marraige problems :( help i need advice?

[Jenn3587]

My husband and i are two very different people who fell in love.We have been married for 2.5 years and have a 7 month old little boy. For the last two years i have put up with aLOT of verbal abuse, anger outbursts, him threatening to leave me, telling me that im lucky i have our little boy or he would have been gone a long time ago. he has done what i consider to be cheating with women online on about 6 occassions, each time appologizing and saying it wont happen again. but we will have a couple good days and then we have blowouts. I tend to keep my mouth shut and just deal with it but the things he says to me iv never heard another person tell to their wife and it hurts so bad. I kept telling him if it kept up I would want to leave at some point and now its gotten so bad i just want to move on with my life. one day he is all for it, tells me to get out so he wont wast anymore of his life with me, then when i got the papers he got PISSED and started guilting me into counciling.i dont know what to do because honestly every day he is singing a different tune, but after everything that has happened i dont trust him anymore and i dont know if i still love him. I have a hard time loving him when he is so damn mean to me. Truthfully, i want to seperate or divorce because i feel i cant take anymore. but one minute he wants to then the next he guilt trips me telling me he cant live without me.. this sucks.. his anger also scares me alot :( (hes never hit me, but gets SO animated and angry about it).

[lisalisa3258]

Well you never heard a man talk like that to his wife because you don't live in other people's homes.No one knows what goes on in a marraige except the two people in it.I say if it is as bad as you make it sound then get out now your still young the baby is young enough not to feel the pain of divorce.Usually I say stay but your case is different I feel it I am kind of phycic when it comes to things.He is not the one for you

[JessicaC7461]

My suggestion is move out, or even move into the guest bedroom. If he starts to verbally abuse you, turn around and go into your room. Setup appt with the counselor, let him know the date and time. Give him about 6 weeks, setup 6 appts, if he shows up for none of them then serve him with papers.

[DrsWife]

marriage has its ups and downs, how long did you date before you tied the knot? You dont deserve that type of treatment at all!!! You guys need marriage counseling!

[amber]

he's controlling you, he doesnt belive you when you tell him to stop talking to women online becuz he already has 6 times and nothing happened. he sounds egotistical to know that no women will leave him. if you leave, it will be hard and he will probably annoy the he** out of you for a year or so but evuntually he will move on and find someone else. I'm not encouraging divorce, but if you stay you will need to think of a way to assert yourself more in the relationship to let him know that you will not stand for him to yell and say hurtfull things to you

[startingover]

OK...this won't stop, it will only get worse. trust me, I've been there, almost exactly how you describe it accept my ex started with physical abuse too. what he is doing to you are all forms of abuse...go ahead and get out now. you probably should do it when he's not there and with out him knowing. that's just for you and your sons safety. i know you may still love him, but if trust is gone and you are unhappy, it won't get better with counseling. tried that too! my counselor actually told us we don't "qualify" for couples therapy b/c it was such an abusive relationship. she highly recommended he stay in counseling for himself though, he didn't. but anyways, i wish you the bestblessings and luck to you

[AJEMT]

try counseling its the least you can do.

[Virginia0097]

I Cor. 7:10 - "A wife is not to depart from her husband and a husband is not to divorce his wife."You two need to make a good home for that little boy.If he is physically abusive, you need to get yourself and your child to a safe place.Did you both go to the counseling? Recommend it. If you cannot afford as licensed marriage counselor, call your minister.-Pray, it works wonders-Get yourself and family in church, he may join you-Go to counseling, marriage & anger for him-Read Fascinating Womanhood-Then read Created to Be His Helpmeet-Put on a really good attitude, it may be contagious-Sing-His may be jealous of the attention the baby gets-Cook his favorite foodsGo to cheaters.com and install their Cheater Checker software for $49.95. - it will show you his emails, websites he visits, etc.Joy to you!

[jojoncolie1316sbcglobalnet]

Hi, if you have already tried counciling and its not working then yes i would say its time to split up. A relationship has to work both ways not just one way. U have to do what is good for yourself and the baby. Verbal abuse is just as bad as physical abuse. Get out of it and start new. Dont deny him visitation rights with his son. And dont feel like u need to be with him because of your son. Your baby feels the tention too.

[snowman1036]

you need to get out,this man is not for you,you will find someone better

[pepperwoman1]

You sound like you are not sure what you want. Do you want to leave your husband? Do you want to work things out? If you want to leave your husband, fine. Do it. If you want to work things out, agree to counseling and see how well he holds up. I have dealt with a lot of verbal abuse from my husband. We are both committed to making our marriage work. It doesn't mean he's perfect and hasn't said anything abusive lately. If you or your husband aren't committed to making it work, then all you are doing is delaying the inevitable. Best of luck.

[SexyAnna0077]

Sounds like you've already made up your mind now all you have to do is act on it. Just make sure you get a restraining order on the bastard if he tries ANYTHING physical with you at all. I came from a really violent household and once it starts it NEVER ends until someone leaves or is dead.

[boxofrain2775]

You need to take control of YOUR life.Don't you know that nobody is responsible for your happiness but you?Courage doesn't always have to soar at great heights. Now have courage and take responsibility for your life and your happiness and make the correct decisions for yourself.Merry Christmas

[Felicia]

i know people in that situation. it kills me to see them hurting and not wanting to say anything because it might be the wrong thing. it scares people and other people can see it. end it . everyone around you can tell what your going through and you dont want them to. end it no matter what he thinks.

[WENDYB]

You need to think of all the pro's and cons. The big one is do you really want to spend the rest of your life with this unkind and disrespectful man. Is he likely to change?Balanced against that is whether you can manage to bring up your baby on your own (although you might both want to share parenting but living apart). And would it harm your child if you stay together and he hears you fighting and unhappy all the time? Are you both able to make a supreme effort to improve things? If not, is there any point in staying unhappily together for the sake of your son? If you part, could you both still live fairly near each other to make sharing your son easy?Have you got a support system - family and friends who could help if you are a single parent? Would you be able to earn enough to support yourself and son comfortably? If not, could you get some kind of additional training as a back-up in case things get worse? I hope you sort things out.

[tranquil]

Please leave the relationship as soon as you can.The situation will only escalate and as your son grows, he will think that this behavior is acceptable.It will be difficult supporting a young child on your own but you have your dignity and your son's dignity intact. There are plenty of support groups available for someone in your condition. Please seek them out. Before you leave, please make sure that you have all the important documents such as the child's birth certificate, because you may not be able to return to your residence again. Matrimony should be based on love in order to be happy, not guilt.

[NenaS3464]

Sorry to hear about your situation. Sounds to me like your husband is a very manipulative and angry man; he must have a lot of issues poisoning him. (Perhaps he had a sad childhood; or has endured many painful situations...There must be a reason for his behavior.)BUT...Whatever happened to him in the past is not your fault; and he should be mature enough to see this and not abuse you emotionally and verbally, as he does. Since he obviously doesn't act as a decent and mature man, you are the one paying the price- and that is not fair.Please contact your family and ask for help. Tell them what is going on so he will see you are not alone!Abusive people DO NOT change, and from what you have written it looks like you are so scared and afraid of being yourself that you are paralyzed. Please think of yourself and your kid's welfare. Your child needs peace and what he is seeing and hearing will affect him in the future; so think real hard if this awful life is what you want for yourself and your child. Only you can decide how to live your own life; and life is short. I don't think God wants to see you be a victim and to live like this forever. Remember: You cannot change other people...only yourself!Good luck.

[acmeraven]

Between the lines I read that you are more mature and he is more childish; time for a come to jesus meeting. Get a good attorney and get the child support apparatus set up; decide on how much alimony you want, and, move on.

[free_angel6045]

I wouldn't put up with that bullshit. I would leave and never go back.

[gaillee01]

Jenn, it sounds to me that he has many anger issues and they were brought into the marriage. Do you love him still? If so, do you think he would go for anger management classes? I mean, do not allow yourself to be guilted! He is the one with anger issues! Obviously, he has brought them into your relationship and this is destroying your marriage!Would he go to anger management for the sake of your child? I would hope so. However, to really change these kinds of behavior...it has to be him who recognizes that HE has a problem! Noone, can be forced to change! That has to come from within. I think I would rather he prove his love by doing what needs to be done! Get help, for the sake of his family.I have no clue if you believe in God or, the power of prayer. I do! Please allow me to pray for you and for your situation as I know that this child will want his daddy. However, he deserves a daddy who represents the best ....not the worse of human nature! Blessings to you all,gail

[SemperFiReborn]

The enemy Satan uses every tool at his dispoal to ruin good lives. Build your house on the Rock of Gibraltar not on sand. Jesus Christ is our Rock. His Foundation in our lives helps our homes to withstand any storm. I pray in Jesus' Name that the turmoil within your home is cast out and rebuked by the Blood of Christ, Amen!