Completely at a loss?

[Miraculous]

I'm in love with two men. The first is my husband. We've known each other for 19 months. I love him so much I can't imagine my life without him. We've been through so many trials together, and our relationship has been strengthened by them. However, recently he cheated online, and I caught it before it turned into anything too bad to forgive, and we're working past it. But during that first week of iffy I didn't know if I was staying or going, I let talk with an ex-boyfriend become too inappropriate. I've known him for 5 years. He was my first real love, and we've kept in friendly contact since we broke up, and my husband knows that. But ever since my husband cheated, me and my ex started talking more, and it's spiraled out of control. We both know there are still feelings there. I WANT to cheat because I want to be with him. I don't want to cheat because I can't imagine hurting my husband like that. How do I make these feelings go away? Our love is different, but it's still love.Ok. One, therapy with the husband is out. He's in Iraq. Two. The ex is 900 miles away. Three. I don't want to leave my husband. I have not talked about being with my ex, I have not talked about leaving my husband, we have not had phone sex, nada. My hormones are telling me to cheat. My heart doesn't want to because I love my husband. I'm not asking how to choose, I'm asking how to help feelings for my ex go away so they aren't in the way of me and my husband. Geez, can't anyone read?Ok, thanks to everyone who said online cheating isn't cheating. Well, it wasn't just online cheating. He was calling her on the phone from Iraq instead of calling me, getting online and talking to her instead of me...this isn't an AND deal, it's an OR deal. He wasn't chatting with her and going to sleep with me every night, he was depriving me of the only time that I get with him, so thank you all for being so understanding and not actually reading anything that I said when I said that I'm NOT trying to figure out who to choose, I'm NOT trying to convince myself not to cheat. I WANT to cheat. I am NOT going to. I would think that would be apparent, as I'm asking for ways that will help my feelings for my ex GO AWAY. Geez, most of the answerers on this site are morons and don't even really read the question, apparently. Hallelujah to the internet for giving idiots the right to express an opinion. And hey, difficult situation. Maybe instead of judging me, you could try advice.

[countryguyhfc8488]

Sounds like you are not mature enough to be in either relationship.

[Karen8109]

Your just hurt and trying to get even with your husband for hurting your feelings, go ahead and admit that's what started it right?

[Inagoodmood3926]

Stay with your husband and cut the ties with the ex til you are done with your husband.

[chaos_infinity19825979]

TWO wrongs dont make a right...

[reneej]

The only way to make the feelings go away is to cut ALL contact with the ex. You continue to put yourself in a compromising position and if you truly want to make things work with your husband you have to let go of that. It is hard but in time the feelings will diminish as you work on strengthening the relationship with your husband. Good luck.

[pitchingcoach0299]

You've already cheated. Just as badly as your husband. I think the two of you should just stay together. Maybe two cheaters together will make a ...............no, still a cheater!

[Jukebox]

You know very well what you have to do. You're just looking for someone to tell you what you're doing is okay. Nobody will say that.

[ajjsdj4ever0497]

ask yourself which one is better for you! If you want the ex then go don't go behind your husbands back an do wrong, if you want your husband to whom you took vows with stay an work out your problems but you have to let the ex go!You can't have both!!

[Ashley2872]

You need to reevaluate your relationships w/ both parties. It's not fair for your husband for you to be talking to your ex. Yes he was doing whatever online but you took him back so that means you are willing to try again.If you want to stay with your husband stop talking to you ex for a while and work things out with your husband. If you want to go to your ex then go but be open and honest about it and let your husband know you don't want to be with him anymore. But you made a commitment to your husband and you kind of owe it to him to be honest. Really though, if you want to cheat you are already hurting your husband, he just doesn't know about it yet.

[3484]

I'd try and find a good couple's therapist. Don't cheat- whatever you do. That will only give you a gnawing, yucky feeling about it forever. If you do get w/ your ex hold out until the divorce (if that happens to occur). It makes me wonder how attracted u r to your husband if your eyes are straying that badly? Which one are you the most sexually attracted to? Which one would u want to sit next to on a 5 hr. car ride to Oregon? When you come across a problem, which 1 do you think of first to tell it to? i'd pray hard about it and get whatever therapy/ Dr. Phil's Relationship Rescue book,or the Idiots Guide to Relationships, etc.I know it's hard but you will make it through this. Not to downgrade your pain but think of all of the lonely people out there who wish they had someone to cuddle with? You'll be fine. I promise.

[punxsutawneyphil8278]

1. Online cheating? You're lucky you caught him before he got his d!ck stuck in the keyboard or something?2. Reassess your definition of the word love. My guess is some kind of twisted infatuation. 3. You're thinking only of yourself if you just resurrect old relationships in order to aid your hurt.

[pictureshygirl4116]

Even though you say you love your husband, your feelings for him have changed, and understandably so. His attempt to cheat has put a wedge between of how you feel about him and this makes you vulnerable to find comfort and love with your ex boyfriend. The intentions for you to cheat is not to hurt it is to find solice for the pain you are still experiencing from your husbands betrayal. I feel you need to work on your marriage. Don't do this alone, you and your husband should seek professional help from a licensed marriage counsellor. This is a critical time in your marriage and you need to muster all the strength you have to not be tempted to cheat. The root of the problem will not go away unless it is worked on. The problem here is why your husband felt the need to cheat in the first place. I do hope all works out for you!

[Busybake]

It is easy to bash someone in your situation if you have never been there yourself.I have been in love with my high school sweetheart for 40 years. We broke up when he went away to college. We have seen each other over the years a few times at reunions and things. We have both been married and divorced over the years but never single at the same time.I have heard from mutual friends that he still loves me.I love my husband dearly and we have a great life. I have given myself all the pep talks about doing the right thing. I will do the right thing, but my heart aches whenever I think of my first love and the older I get the more I know we will never be together. I wish I had the answer.

[Lunaeclipz1875]

Not sure how you can marry someone you've only known a little over a year but oh well ----cheating online is NOT REAL why don't people get that? and its an excuse for you to justify your bad behavior honey-don't do it -give your marraige a chance

[Tray4433]

Cut the communication off from your ex boyfriend. You are going to cheat when the ex is in your ear more. Understand that you will always have feelings for your ex but you do have a husband. This time, let the past stay in the past and move forward.

[legends_chick]

You may say you want to cheat, but will you really be able to look your spouse in the eye ever again if you do???? More even will you be able to look yourself in the eye??? Sometimes past relationships end and there is still a friendly feeling towards the person, and when something that happens with a current relationship you might see that ex as so caring and great.....but you are just focussing on the positives of the ex------why did you break up??? there is always a reason even if it is just that things just didnt work..... and you may still care about the person and even love the person.....BUT the relationship ended for a reason and you picked your husband above all others to be with till death do you part.......it's not something to mess with. Don't cheat....if you cant get past these feelings you may have to stop contacting your ex.....even if you are friends. Work on your marriage and dont bring more trouble to the pot. Good Luck