Sandi Dingo
05-24-2007, 05:58 PM
Hi everyone. I'm new. My husband and I have been together for 7 years and married 5. For 7 years he has lied off an on about other women. Some were women he met online and was only "friends" with, some were ex-girlfriends who still had an interest in him but he saw the need to maintain a friendship with them behind my back. The only reason I forgave him so many times is that he never crossed the line. It was always kept on a friendship level but always a secret. Last year though he created a new email account without me knowing and signed up for a dating website. I found out and again forgave him (STUPID!) but only because he had not contacted anyone and no one had contacted him. He said he was "curious" because we are so different. We went to counselling but it wasn't very good. He said he was happy and everything was good. Then 9 months later he was away working and met someone and again was just friends. But then he started to email her when he returned home and it finally crossed the line. While there was nothing sexual, it was very hurtful because promises of future plans were made. He told her that we were getting divorced which was news to me! When I found out, there still had been nothing physical or sexual but it was clear that he planned to leave me and pursue a relationship with her. We have decided to work things out and are again in counselling! This time the counselling is much better and while it does help I am SOOO confused! He says that the emails were just a fantasy and he knows it wasn't real nor that it would ever be, etc. Part of me wants to work things out and part of me wants to just end it because I don't think he will ever stop lying. The problem is that this time he is REALLY convincing that he has "mended" his ways and that this time he has REALLY learned and doesn't want to screw up again. I don't know what to believe! I have gone from despair to depression to panic to anger and now resolve - i'm just exhausted. Is it really possible for a liar to change or am I just kidding myself?? Some days I'm okay and others I want to choke him because I think he is still communicating with her. Other days I want to call her and tear her a new one. I know that I could find out but it doesn't seem worth the effort because when will it end? When will I stop checking his email, phone, etc? It can make you crazy. The hardest thing this time is that he did cross the line emotionally and I wonder what it will be next time - physically? Please give me some sound advice because I've heard all the expected answers. Also, I forgot to mention that his job REQUIRES him to travel 6 months a year all over the world - talk about a relationship that requires a lot of trust before trust has even been broken!!