Hurt Wife Needs Advice

[lesanne2]

I recently found out that my husband of 7 years cheated on me with my
assistant in my absence. I run a daycare out of my home and have had a
wonderful assistant for almost a year. If you dont mind that I tell my
story. We have a good relationship and two beautiful daughters. About four
months ago my husband found out that I had gone into our joint account
at his bank and went on an ebay spree, using thousands of dollars. He
was pretty upset and starting to text my assistant to see when
packages were arriving etc. I had gone away with my girls three times
in March. I had no clue until my assistants boyfriend approached me at
my home daycare and said that my husband was cheating on me with his
girlfriend ( both 19 years old and we are 33). He said that he had
proof. Just then my assistant walked out, got into her car and drove
away. She returned about 30 mins later saying that it was all bs and
that he was trying to get her fired. She asked to leave early as her
bf was throwing her stuff in the street. She never returned. I went to
her house two days later and she said that it really happend and that
she had a cell phone bill with multipal texts from my husband, 7 pages
worth of all hours. That came up on our bill as well. The boyfriend
also has a friend that works for our cell phone company and our cim
card was out in site for some time. I confonted my husband and he
said that he text her about ten times only when I was shopping and
that nothing happend. This is the man that I never thought to do this.
Things fell into place for me when my assistant told me that they got
together three times and dates that I was gone. All coinsided with
multiple texts in my absence. She described scars and body parts of my
husband. I also noticed that she gave me things for my daycare on a
weekly basis and seemed out of sorts at times. Also very little talk
to my husband. My husband still swares that nothing happend and laughs
when I tell him the details that I heard from my assistant. He passed
a small lie detector test that I purchased.He says that I was played
by my assistant for her to quit working here and the boyfriend backed
her up. He is a wonderful guy and father. I have
been back and forth in my mind a million times on if it really happend
and cant do it anymore.
Please let me know your thoughts. Thank you

[SerenBaker]

It sounds as if there are more things going wrong in your relationship than just the possibility that he cheated. Any time either spouse spends thousands of dollars without consulting the other, there's a problem.

Your best bet right now is to get some kind of counselling for all the core problems. Good luck.

[starshimmer]

I agree that there seems to be a lot of "unspoken" problems in your marriage at the moment. For starters, he is probably (justifiably) upset with your spending, although that is no excuse to go out and sleep with your employee!

The two of you could be a good candidate for counseling, so I'm wondering if you had considered talking to your husband about it.

There are many secrets here, (his flirting/cheating and your compensatory spending are just symptoms of that) and then it all seems to blow up, settle down, until the next time. Good communication between you seems to have to a standstill.

Quit dragging other people into your business as of this minute. Whatever he did, confront him. Whatever it is that you do, he should talk to you instead of trying to get the information out of everyone else.

Do find a certified counselor, somebody that can help you both learn how to communicate with each other. And throw away that lie detector thing! I'm surprised he agreed to such a thing in the first place.

[jessi_rubin]

I also agree that you shouldnt have brought it that lie detector thing in between. See if your marriage fails then you, he and your children all would be on the loosing side. Try to solve this problem through good counselling and who knows that he might be true that she was just playing around.

[BRANDY1982]

You Said It In Your Last Few Sentences Of Your Story Your Husband Is A Good Guy IF Your Happy Then Be Happy! Dont Go Playing Inspector Gadget Unless Its Necessary You Have To Be Careful Who You Bring In Your Home! And A 19 Year Old Is A Kid And You Should Have Confronted Them Both At The Same Time Maybe.then Again Some Things Are Better Left Unsaid , But If He Past A Lie Detector Test And Went Through All That To Prove It Then He Does Love You And Put In Your Past......

[alexis]

I honestly think she has reason to suspect, and further dig out the truth. I don't play well with lie detectors, I am the lie detector, so I offer some advice for you to check out some of the threads that others have made about ways to catch him. Its always better to know early on that find out later down the road.