Will this work?

[Estelle]

I separated from my husband and met someone a few months later. We've been together for 8 months. He caught his wife cheating on him. To add, she gambled and was in serious debt. this happened 5yrs before we met.He stuck around for his kids who were 2 & 6 at the time of the affair. He was afraid of losing his kids, and his money, to her. Law is always on the side of the mother. He's still living in the family home and has filed separation papers, which she is still to sign. He says if he stays away from home, for even 1 night, it's considered 'desertion' and he may lose his kids over this - is this true? Says he loves me & wants a life with me....but we're still no better off, than when we first met. I've given him an ultimatum and have decided not to see him until he resolves this separation. Is there a chance he's really working on it & and is he right about deserting his children, when he stays with me for 1 night????I do love him...but I'm sticking around to get hurt.

[that_boy_aint_right]

he is stringing you along run run fast

[texasmom5775]

all mariried man say that! truth is hes not going to leave his wife.

[ScrabbleGirl]

I think you are doing the right thing by not seeing him until he has his issues resolved. There is a chance he is working on it, but it's just as likely that his wife knows nothing about what is going on and thinks they are doing just fine.

[Tina0306]

Being gone for one night is not desersion. Move on this guy is an ass!

[thunder2sys]

he needs a better lawyer. He needs a divorce, not a separation. A separation does not disolve the marriage, he is still married to her, and you can not marry him.And unfortunately the same goes for you. Being separated does not allow you to re-marry. Maybe he doesn't understand why you haven't filed for divorce to dissolve your marriage and thats why he is not doing all he can. You aren't showing committment to him and ending that chapter of your life either. Seems like you both want to hold on to your husband and wife for some reason.

[bryan]

I seriously don't know about "desertion" law, but I think it is good to wait and see that he actually goes through with the seperation. Ultimatums usually aren't good, but you gotta see if this guy's actions and words match. Good luck to you and God bless.

[marilynfsmgm8684]

bben married and divorced 3 times. the fathers still had all of their rights to the children no matter what happened with another person. call a random lawyer and ask this question to see how it is in your state.sounds like your being used for a free ride.

[joes4053]

He is full of it...Ask to see copies of the separation papers.What if his work was to take him away from home for a week..? would he lose the kids...? I think not... Stick with your ultimatum and no secret rendezvous's

[magicgee9705]

One night and loose his kids..... no way he needs to contact a lawyer and work out a parenting plan and take this to court he can do it sounds like he is being lazy about this and is scared of his wife -not all mothers get their kids look at Britney Spears

[De]

giving an ultimatum was not right, in my opinion... In Arkansas, the day you leave the house and file for separation then dissertation is not how it goes.. I don't know the laws of the state but getting a good lawyer that will fight. My lawyer said that a drug person will not get his kids... so I won in this case if he fought it... So your man will have to have document the gambling and the other obsessions... So the court will have to look towards the father in this case... I think that if he took the kids with him that would be a plus as well. But for you and him being together, sorry but I don't see it continuing... Unless the extra baggage leaves plus.. technically you are not divorced either so it is best that you just take care of your personal lives and then work on the together forever part... If it happens, it happens and good luck to you both

[donnar]

NO No NO This is a line of bs he is giving you. Law is not on the side of the mother anymore. Both parents have an equal chance of getting the kids in a divorce. It depends on who is the better parent. As for deserting the kids if he moves out, what a line of $H!T. All the people I ever met who were divorcing separated-one or the other moved out. Bet he isn't sleeping alone at home and since he can't spend the night away from home, bet the little wife at home doesn't know anything about a divorce. He is feeding you a line a mile lone, and you fell for it. Get rid of him!

[Minister]

IT WILL SURELY NOT WORK, YOU MAY NEVER EVEN GET HURT...AND EVEN IF YOU WILL, YOU DONT NEED TO...WHY NOT TRY RECONCILING WITH YOUR TRUE HUSBAND JUST LIKE YOUR NEW MAN MAY END UP RECONCILING WITH HIS WIFE.

[ArthurW]

This could be either way. 1; hes telling the total truth but in a divorce he probably will lose custody to her unless shes rules unfit to be the mother and he will get visitation rights regardless of whether he abandons them or not along with child support or 2; hes lyng to you to keep you around and jut using this story to do so, which personally, my gut instinct tends to believe more than #1 mostly due to my experience with inter personal reltionships. Is this guy really worth waiting for? Good luck and hope Im wrong and if so I greatly apologize

[ds6250]

Sorry, but I would say that this man is using you. Does this man,s wife know about you? I would stick to the ultimatum you gave him and stay away from him. Good luck!

[gemini07071]

'There are ways to find out if he really filed for a separation. You can ask him to see the papers or u can go to the clerks office & look it up. As far as spending a night away from his kids it is not considered "desertion". Of course the law varies from state to state but in ny & nj ur parental rights don't become an issue until 6 months of no contact(sleeping over,phone calls, letters,etc.) so that sounds like an excuse. What was his reaction to the ultimatum? If he is using his kids as an excuse to live at the house that is crap. Many people have kids and get seperated and don't live in the same house. My personal opinion is that u need to really consider if this is worth it. It's only been 8 months but the longer u wait to make a deciison the more pain there will be in the end.

[bonita]

>try to consult a lawyer...or counselling for both of you>don't look on emotional aspect for sure it will cause you pain.>try to observed what kind of attitude he has on you or maybe he is using the situation just to win you...>I'm not saying he is lying but more realistic on what the situation showing you>what kind of love you have for him ...try to evaluate your emotion too...you might be wrong of your feeling of being love or you want to love someone on his behalf..>sometimes love is not the real love you're looking for...>maybe you missed that kind of behaviour of taking care of..or vice verse...>sometimes you need to be alone to search for self renewal...or re-channel yourself...>may the blessing be

[dtown]

No! It is not considered desertion. He's trying and succeeding to have his cake and eat it too. He's just a lying cheater. He can file for legal separation or divorce and request joint custody ( You no longer have to have your spouse agree). I know that you've heard of that, right? With joint custody both parents have equal amount of time, therefore no child support from either parent. Now, if she doesn't work then he'll have to provide "reasonable" support until she finds job (and the court will order her to do so). You didn't say how long they've been married. In some states, if they've been married for 10yrs or more, he may have to pay spousal support, or give half of the assests, that's just common. What he is doing to you and his wife is what millions of men do daily. Just think if you end up with him, he'll do the same to you. He'll have children with you, be unfaithful and blame you for the demise of the marriage while he sleeps with others. You need to move on quickly because you're wasting your time. I have male friends that have strung women along for as many as 10 yrs with this ruse. I realize that your self esteem may be a bit low because of your own marital woes, but believe in yourself and start investing in yourself. If you have children, spend time with them, if not take some classes both for your mind and body to boost your self image. Stop wasting valuable time with this loser. You just got rid of one, why take on another?

[quen3276]

When you choose to leave you must leave for good . I moved from my house in the same town . It is my rent . He is gone . It is my life not his . The divorce will not take long as one must be sure at the time of filing ...this is what has to be.. I filed ..... When a marriage is over it is over.... We move on and find a new life.

[delicious]

you said it yourself in your question you need to break it off until he is separated and then you will know what is truly going on ,if he moves out he was telling the truth if he doesn't you weren't wasting your time any longer with him ... good luck

[sillerious3762]

8 months and he is married and you two didnt spend one night together? come on girl, you cant be that naive. i dont want to be mean, but what kind of connection do you and hi, have? how do you possibly know whats going on at home between him and his wife?