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idiotwife
05-24-2007, 05:53 AM
Hi, I'm new to this board and I suspect that my husband is having an affair. I'm really seeking some unbiased advice from those of you who have been in this situation. Here's all of the "clues" that I have so far...please tell me if this seems suspicious to you.

1. He and this woman are friends. He's also friends with her husband.
2. My husband goes out with his friends often...at least once a week. I don't drink and don't party, so I'm normally home with the kids.
3. Last week, after my husband stayed out late, I decided to see who he had called from his cell phone. He deleted his history. He's been deleting his history every day.
4. I tried to go online to check the cell phone bill (he canceled the paper bill, so we can only view it online). He changed the password. I called him to get the password and he gave it to me. I saved a copy of the bill, but told him that I couldn't access the account. 5 minutes later, he changed the password. They called each other over 91 times last month.
5. She's an alcoholic and so is her husband. Her husband is a severe alcoholic. My husband "feels sorry for her daughter" and all of our family functions have to include her daughter.
6. My husband acts like he can't stand to be around this woman, because when she's drinking, she's obnoxious...but then they talk on the phone over 91 times?

My husband and I have been having some marital problems. Probably because he's a cheater...but I digress...

We started counseling and he considered moving out. I really don't know why we've been having problems. I'm in school, I work, and I take care of our kids and the house. I really don't know what I did to contribute to our problems, but they're there, none-the-less. So far, all I have is a gut feeling, hidden cell phone bills, and 91 phone calls. Is this enough to end a 15 year marriage? Please help me...I'm just sick over all of this.

Thanks so much. Idiotwife

lonelyhousewife35
05-26-2007, 06:46 PM
Girl.... go with your gut... our instincts are always on target. Don't belittle yourself because he does. I know what it feels like.

savannah
06-04-2007, 09:11 PM
First off, you're no idiot! If anything, you seem very composed and rational. I think you know a lot more than you're really admitting to yourself. It's just so hard to think that somebody you trusted would betray you that way.

I agree that it sounds like your husband is hiding something from you. This is very early days yet, so it's hard to know exactly how far the whole thing has progressed. Have you checked the credit cards, his checkbook, see how much money he's been spending? There's another clue for you to look into.

He's not going to be honest right now, maybe never. If you want to know the truth, and be careful that you do and not just "disprove" what you fear, then you will have to find it out for yourself.

I'm just wondering: how old is this daughter? It's not like most men I've ever known to be so involved with raising some other man's daughter unless he has some sort of vested interest in the girl...

Take a deep breath. Decide where you want to go with this, and start getting your ducks in a row. Confrontation will lead to one of two things: he will walk out, at which point you are going to have to protect yourself and kids financially, or he will start to think about what risks he is taking that could lose him his whole family.

SerenBaker
06-05-2007, 01:05 PM
I notice you said you're in school, you work and you take care of the kids and the house. So where's your time to spend with him? Where's the time for you and him to do things together without the kids, without the pressure of work/school/etc. ? Having your energy directed in every direction except toward him could be your contribution to the problem. He might feel you're just not that interested and that's what he uses as an excuse to go wandering.

Just my 2 cents' worth.

savannah
06-07-2007, 10:23 PM
iw, just wondering how you're doing? It's very easy to get lost in day to day stuff, I know, but I was reading through here and haven't seen you in a few days. Has anything changed for you?

jessi_rubin
06-10-2007, 08:42 PM
I think you are also a party to it. Your husband is a party animal kinda person so he feels alll alone when you are not with him and neither you drink so it all aggreviates the problem. What you need is to spend some time with him out. Drink very little to give him some company. that lady is giving him wot he is missing from ya. Do this and you will find him coming back to you.

alexis
07-17-2007, 12:13 AM
Sometimes it is harder to see the truth in the ones we love ever so dearly. 91 calls in a month is more than I call anyone - total, ever. I would sit down and discuss this without distractions. I know your hands are full with work/kids/school, but take the time.

In the long run you will be happy you did. Nothing is worse than staying in a relationship when you are not wanted, and that is what it sounds like, besides he is not man enough to admit this himself.

titaniumhijau
11-06-2007, 04:19 PM
Maybe he lied to you and never want you worry about that. If you already with him for long time. Did you want to get divorve right now? You both have kids right? Did you want to leave him? What will happen with the child??

Maybe you can ask him and discuss him. Maybe you also can forgive him..Better you have a slow talk with him again and again..WHo know something will change and give a positive way.