marriage trouble????????

[lashondaaa]

What should i do my husband and I been married for 2 years now. I want a divorce. He doesn't show me any attention. He comes home form work play the game, talk on the phone and get on the computer. We have talked about this soooooo many times. I can't take it anymore. I'm 23 and he is 29. You would think he would grow up. I'm a stay home mother right now. Our baby is 7 months. I will be going back to work pretty soon. I've tried the sex thing to get his attention and it works only while we are doing it. Then he gets back on the game, phone and computer. I don't know what else to do. I don't feel loved and I told him this. He's famouse saying is "well at least I ain't cheating". What the fu__k. So, "Am I tripin". What should I do. I feel like I to young to be getting a divorce. O, He doesn't want to go to counsleing either. I their for him everytime he needs me but I can't say the same about him. I feel lost. Ii don't know how to handle this...help"??????????

[sammy]

sit down and talk to him if this dosnt work bring hm flowers his favorite candy and do something spectial for him do something exotic

[FaZizzle3636]

Question: Have you really spoken with him? Like have you sat down with him and had a heart to heart talk like two adults?If you're willing to work on this marriage, then you two need to COMMUNICATE.

[Jody]

Leave. He doesn't care about you and isn't willing to work on it. You aren't too young to be divorced, you're too young to be in an unsatisfying marriage.

[WessGranny]

Why would you even consider staying with someone that isn't interested in you? You're not getting any younger. Dump him. He'll have to pay you child support. Go home to your parents or find somewhere else to live. You don't have to put up with that crap.

[d_v8ion]

You can go to counselling on your own (strange but true).

[timssterling7213]

Well if you cant ignore and take advantage of a mail order bride whats the point?

[Tikva8752]

Go to therapy for yourself. If he doesn't go, so be it. Work through the issues with your therapist for yourself.

[billgoats798409]

He's got issues. You need to bring him to see someone. Drag him out for a hair cut and end up at thge marriage counselors.

[mrmrsjajohnson]

maybe try moving out and see if he changes. i know it will be hard with a little one or you could throw him out and let him see that you mean business.

[ncdave743050]

Who's he on the phone and computer with all the time? Computer games cause such a strain on marriages these days. Especially ones that take years to play or ones that never end like "Second Life". Try counseling and if he doesn't want to do that, then you have the decision to make whether you want to spend the rest of your life this way.

[kat0929]

Well it takes two people to make a marriage wrok. if you have talked to him and he doesn't seem to care, then it seems like he is not emotionally invested in the marriage. Maybe you should go to a counselor by yourself to get a professional's opinion. Think about if there is anything else going on in the marriage to make him not pay attention to you. Maybe he has some resentment built up and that is why he is keeping his distance. I would say that you should not give up. Try and try harder.

[ponting]

j I can understand your confusion with so many ups and downs. Marriage has lots of those, especially downs. You owe it to your husband to get to the source of his "issues" around your children and help him fix it immediately. HOWEVER: If he is not willing to work at bettering himself for the sake of your kids and your marriage, then there is no question about it....HE HAS TO GO!!!!Marriage is a commitment, BUT when kids are involved....they have to come first!!! Any man that cannot accept that is not worthy of being married to! Remember--Kids are #1Hubby is #2That is how it should be.....you do what is best for your kids1 year ago

[ZaynabA]

why not do the same back to him ignore him, don't help him out with his problems. By the way putting yourself on a plate and offering him sex isn't the best thing to do make him yearn for it and get his attention that way probably.

[AngelofG]

Men view every thing in this world different from us woman. His chill time is playing on his game and i have to admit been there done it.Having a baby is also stressful for you too and having him home is when you like to chat not seeing the back of his head playing on a game.You can only try your best. Perhaps you shouldn't be there when he comes home and see what happens there.Hope you sort it out Good Luck

[absentfarmer]

Insist on counseling-it's not as hard as you may think. The law will be on your side and so will everyone else. Make an appointment and go by yourself if he won't go. Don't give up on counseling even if he is not involved at first. It is important to save your marriage if you can. If you can't , there are worse lives than being a divorced mom. Good luck

[nml7700]

Cut off the internet and TV or put codes on them so he can't use them. he wants to act like a child, then he is going to get treated like one. Either that or just leave, with the baby or kick him out.

[Jersey]

I think yo need to be true to yourself. Tell him exactly how you feel. Don't sugar coat it. Don't beat aroud the bush. Just straight to the point and I don't get the kind of response that shows you he understands and wants to work on it, then I say do you and file for divorce. You're to young and life is to long to be unhappy.

[Hello2u7523]

commicate and go talk to someone about it. only way to save this one.

[kirkm]

I can't believe I'm actually answering this. Throw away the video games and the computer. Turn off the phones and find some hobbies. If you can't figure out he has ADD and that he cannot handle the items you own, I don't know what to tell you. Bottom line, it doesn't take a nice set of hooters to distract your man. Get rid of the garbage in your life. Stand your ground and make him divorce you or be your husband.

[helly5352]

You have to tell thim this. Surely he doesn't want to lose his wife over this. If he is doing something that is making you on the verge of walking out on him, he needs to know. Make him understand you really mean it, and you are really unhappy about this.Don't do it in the form of a fight, or a nag. Say to him "we need to talk". Choose a time when there are no distractions. Then tell him how you have been feeling. He has to listen. Otherwise he loses you and his child.

[Missy75]

Wow I don't really know what would be best, maybe you should talk to a counselor just to make sure you are going about this the best way. He seems to have lost interest in you and doesn't want to be interested in you anymore. Unfortunately you may end up divorced, but talk to a marriage counselor yourself, and have them help you with other options first before you end it. I hope this helps

[itsme7450]

maybe you could show him that you care enough to spend time with him doing the things that interest him, (computer, game, etc.) and then maybe he will see your effort and follow suit. Tough situation though when he doesn't seem to be trying. Men are funny though, they really are just wired different, try this and try talking to him, tell him that you are grateful to have a man whose loyal, faithful, but that it would help you be a better wife if he would just spend a little more time with you, this way he doesn't feel like you are attacking him saying he never spends time with you, that really pushes men away....Good luck, please really try to fix things before deciding divorce, you guys got married for a reason, try to remember what that is.P.s. After Men come home from work, sometimes they need time to destress if you will to unwind, although it may feel like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders with all of the home stuff, he's out there consumed with providing for his family, which can be a lot

[sarge927]

I hate to see anyone get a divorce with children in the picture. This is a tough call because he really should spend more time with you, but at the same time I don't know what his job is like. Some people come home and play on the computer or talk on the phone to unwind after a tough day. The best barometer is really how he is as a father. If he is as absent a father as he is a husband, maybe you should consider divorce. He may come around once your baby starts walking, but you have some good indicators of how he'll be later on right now. If you're the one always taking care of the baby, chances are that won't change as the child gets older. I'd give him a few months more and see what happens. If you keep telling him that he's not giving you (and the baby) enough attention and he doesn't start to mend his ways and still won't go to counseling, it's time to think about what's best for you and your child.

[JoesM]

If he won't talk to you and ignores you except for sex, then tell him you want a divorce. See what he says then.

[snowboarder]

Take your kid and leave for a week or more go visit your parents/friend that lives far enough away that if he calls you can't rush back to save the day. you need to get away from the sitituation to think about, while your there your emotions will be changing while he is home, gone, phone, game, tv, etc. and the time apart may change your mind or just comfirm it. Its going to be hard for the kid but it is better that you do it while they are young because they won't remember any fighting between you and your husband over who gets what and child support and all the stuff that goes on during a divorce.

[Amanda3974]

If you're unhappy you're never too young to get a marriage. It sounds like your willing to fix things and he's just not. He doesn't realize that something is wrong. He should be coming home and spending time with you and your child before running to video games or the computer. And for his comments about "at least I ain't cheating" that makes me wonder if he's hiding something. You need to comfront him and say directly: "This isn't working. Do you want to fix things? Or would you rather we file for divorce and I'll leave?"Don't play games with him. Make sure he knows it's either he is willing to make a change in your relationship or it's time for you to go. I know you don't want to have to get a divorce at such a young age, but you need to not only think about your happiness, but also how your child will feel being raised in a home where you and daddy don't get along.

[StephenH1139]

Apparently he has a certain idea of marriage that he is going to subscribe to regardless of what you say. Getting him to be the husband you want him to be will require him having a complete change of his mindset. If you are able to get him to do this it will probably change his personality and he may not seem like the man you first married. Good luck.

[Roko9115]

sorry about that airheaded child who answered first saying too long to read...she obviously doesn't understand the weight of the matter...probably under 16 toowow, hmm, sounds like the way I treat my girl for the last 2-3 years I joined a rock band and party a lot. She doesn't come along. I tell her I ain't cheatin either, but I also stopped having sex, and I look, but I'm heavy so I don't have oppo to cheat. I don't want jsut anyone.No your guy is a butt like me, honestly, what you see is what you get, most of us guys don't change, esp. when we give answers like that. Will he go to counseling? If not, sucks you got a baby with him, but either deal with it and learn to find your own happiness though he's ignoring you OR start preparing for a better life. It might be hard at first, but if you find the right guy, you'll be worlds happier BUT...good guys are getting hard.Now, you have a kid already, but if you work on your spirituality through meditation, good diet and exercise to keep nice body, and have a decent job, you are a sweetheart and you get out there to find a good guy like at church or group mediation...you'll be just fine!!!Remember Rome wasn't built in a day. Maybe you temporarily live with your rents or friend while working and saving money and mingling....If you really love your current man and are willing to accept he is immature and selfish and will probably ignore you a lot, then you learn the great lesson of acceptance and tolerance. It's some karma you are balancing. You don't have to take full punch so consider your options.Good luck sweet thing!

[Fonz0009]

You are there all day waiting for some adult conversation and he comes home looking to relax, on the phone or computer. I think that it will get better when you get back to work. More adults to associate with and you will be excited to get home to the baby and what he does won't bother you so much..Do you have friends with young children? If so socialize with them during the day. It may help. Don't let everything revolve around his coming home.

[sparkey]

have you tried talking to a mutual family member or friend who could explain better how you feel divorce is a big step try everything else first and you have a baby to think of try not to get upset good luck

[Littleone0242]

Leave him trust me it won't get any better it will only get worse if he is acting this way he doesn't really love you or care for you, don't waste your time!

[LIPPIE]

Part of your problem, is you are a new mother and stay at home all the time. Adult conversation is wonderful, but when you have a husband that doesn't understand what your body just went through, is hard. I would not file for divorce, this will work out, but you need to stop fighting about this. When your husband comes home, speak when spoken to, go about your business as if he was not there. Find something to do, take a craft course, find something that will give you some adult conversation. It doesn't have to be for a long time. 1/2 to 1 hour is good. Calmly tell your husband you are going to get out of the house for a short while, and he can take care of his child. There is a solution to every thing, but to many people think they can cry, scream, and argue to get a sensible conclusion. Getting out of the house helps. If you don't want to do it in the evening, then do it during the day. Invite people over to do crafts, or do a book club, after all the house belongs to you also.

[scott_v19633229]

take him to a football game

[Beigge]

Men are like babies craving for attention, right now he has all ur attention, he knows u r home 24/7. Begin to ignore him, u develop ur own interests keep urself busy eg: go out to places without him, give more attention to ur child even wn ur husband comes bk from work. he will soon loose interest in games,phone and computer and have tantrums to crave ur attention.dont be afraid of ignoring him, thinking he will ignore u more, it will take him a couple of days to notice the change in u.

[tinitene83_160165]

Honey I know how you're feeling. It's hard to sit and feel like the man you love so deeply doesn't return your feelings. You have to ask yourself some hard questions. If he isn't willing to work on this relationship, you gotta go! When you think about it, it's really that simple. Relationships are a two way street, if you're letting him know how you feel and he's doing nothing to fix what's wrong, he doesn't really care. If he truly loved you and wanted to spend the rest of his life with you, he wouldn't want you to be walking around unsure and unhappy with you guy's relationship, he'd be doing something to make it better. What you should do is stop concentrating on trying to make him happy and try to make you happy with yourself. Go out, do something you like to do, get your mind off of that man, get busy like he is. For some strange reason men respond to us when we're ignoring them. If you've exhausted talking to him and trying to get him to "notice" you, decide whether you really want to be in this for the long haul and go from there. You only get one life honey, live it up! Don't let no one, including the man whom you love so deeply, hold you back!

[BuzzB]

I see two options here.You find a life for yourself, take some classes at a community college. Have him "watch" the kids, or if he can't get a friend or family member to while you're in class. make friends outside your marriage and make yourself happy. option 2 is get divorced, collect child support, work out custody battles, etc. blah, blah blah.... I vote option one. Make yourself happy. Make yourself educated. Make yourself and your kids proud of who you are. Give them a good role model. YOU CAN do it!

[jcupsbbgrl0538]

Yes, definantly let him know that you mean buisness because from the sound of it he doesnt think you will do anything about it , he probably thinks that you will sit there and take it Pack your bags and leave or make him leave. And then see if he responds if he dont respond then he dont care and he doesnt deserve you anyway. Also whatever you are gonna do , please do what ever before your baby gets old enough to realize because then you will have a little one that will be old enough to make it even harder to leave .

[JustSomeGirl6705]

Finding a way to get a guy's attention is rough sometimes, but not impossible. I would NOT give up on the relationship. Sometimes there are things that you're doing that make him not want to be around you, and maybe you just don't know it. It could also be that he needs time to unwind after work. Give that to him. Try to find a way to be kinder to him each night of the week and maybe he'll want to please you as well. I know it seems like a lot of work, but I think it might be worth it.

[pj1112]

You say he doesnt pay any attention to you.Do you go out of your way to give him attention?You say you have a baby,and Women tend to think its all on them when they have a baby,but the husband goes through alot of change himself.He may very well be going through alot.I remember my first baby,was very stressfull,He was born with major problems,but my husband hung right in there with me,and hedone everything he was suppose to do.But when things got ok with me and the baby,he changed,he started withdrawing,and just seem to be doing nothing more than going through the motion of life.but the very bottom line is.Your husband is alot more than someone to go pay the bills,and put groceries on the table,and just like a woman they need those little extras to show them you love them.I dont quite understand how women dont know these things,but men are human and they have emotional needs as well as women.He married you,you have a baby with him....Are you still the person he married?Do you still drop everything when he walks in the room? Im not trying to put blame anywhere,I am just trying to tell you there are two sides to every coin.

[azflower25]

You are too young! If he isn't willing to make it work, then why should you keep trying? I am in the same situation. I've been trying for 3 years now! And still no improvement. If he doesn't seem interested in making any changes, then your interest in wanting to be married should change.

[Babygurl]

yeah he suck