my husband cheated 5 mths ago told me 2 days l8r & i can't stop thinking abt it - bk 2gether for the lst 5 mth

[commitedandloyal]

my husband and i had problems starting about a 1 yr ago. we decided to have a temp separation. during that he decided he would get involved with another woman(younger no kids)and begin a sexual/romantic relationship with her. it got ugly. he chose her over our kids. we've been together 13 yrs married 3 with 2 kids. we have gotten back together and things are going gd but i still catch him trying to contact her via text msg, phone or on facebook unsuccessfuly. i can't stop thinking about what he sd to me and the text msg's i read on his phone going back and forth between them (xxx). they exchanged i love you's and he can't even tell me he loves me. he says he wants to be with me and the kids but i just don't know what to do or how to feel. i found out that this girl is a nasty whore and has a new bf every month.. she even had a fiance when she slept with my husband. i feel obsessed with this girl and need to know her every movement. how do i let go of the hurt and this girl.okay.. thanks for the response everyone. see.. he hasn't spoken to her in about 5 months.. his attempted contacts are not going through. i have talked to him and he says he just wants to say hi and after leaning how dirty of a whore she is he wants to yell at her. i have told him if he really wants to say hi to her.. then to get out of my house... and he's still there. yes we have LOTS of romance. i almost feel like i brought this on myself though because i'm the one who wanted the seperation. i also feel i can be extreamly mad at her becuase i know who she is.. she's familiar with the situation.. we used to work together. i was okay during the seperation until i found out about her. it killed me and i became severly depressed to the point i had to take a leave of absence from work.. no sleep, no food. i lost 20 lbs in a matter of 3 weeks. i'm better now and yes.. things are good at home. he told me at the time it was for revenge but now he see's his mistake.o.. i forgot to add.. we have had a real heart to heart talk about this the other day. and he is committed to his family but feels hurt because i'm the one who wanted the seperation. he knows that he'll never EVER find another woman who is willing to still take him back and work on anything after doing what he did. he knows he has it good and he also knows that if he leaves.. he is not only leaving me.. but our young children as well.oh goodness... sorry guy's.. i feel like i could ramble on this forever.i feel like i CAN blame her because she knew not only me.. but my kids too.. i've known her for years.. and she as a woman should have stood up and said LOOK.. WEATHER YOUR GOING TO FIX YOUR MARRIAGE OR NOT.. DO THAT THEN COME SEE ME... know what i mean? i understand that he was in control of his actions but i feel she also egged him on in turning him against me. he told me... that in the beginning of their short relationship.. she cried when he orginally told her he wouldn't sleep with her because he was married.. and this was days into their relationship... nasty whore.. who cries because a dude won't dick you? a married one at that?this is going out to divie....yes divie... i can understand what your saying but have to say i don't think that's the case. my husband has had the best sex EVER and i mean EVER. i've done what you suggested.. i give him whatever he wants.. and it's not degrading to me.. i actually find i enjoy this "new sex" that we have. things that we never did before we both enjoy now very very much. and the only thing she has that i don't.. is peerkier tits, a flat stomach and a bigger ass... all that i had before i had kids...

[free_angel8279]

You need to let go of your cheating loser husband.

[Yvonne]

TimeMaybe you guys should go to counseling. He needs to stop contacting her.

[CorrineB4596]

get rid of dirt bag husband. He's a jerk.

[bigapple]

He wants his cake and eat it too well the tit runs dry now. He has to make up his mind what is more important here to him you and the children or that sleeze bucket tramp of a girl he's messing with.If you can't get her out your mind you can sure get rid of him and find someone that will not put you through this type of mental abuse.You deserve better. You are not going to play second fiddle.

[aly]

ok. don't look into her/her life. you need to confront your husband, yet again, about what you know about him still trying to contact her. as for your back together status, you may be living together, but he's still betraying your trust. things are not going good. don't let him or yourself believe otherwise. leave or kick him out so you can figure out what to do, even if that requires counseling. you need to deal with anger with your husband - it's not about the girl. it is and it isn't, if that makes sense. when you transfer your hate towards the other woman or the woman your s.o. or spouse is cheating with, it kind of distracts you from directing your anger at who it needs to be directed towards. your husband. she may be a whore, but your husband fell for her. period.and i am sorry. but responsibility. that's life. and he chose irresponsibility over his family. and that's something he should come to regret not via text messages and fantasies but with sincere apologies/change. don't demand anything less.EDIT::i am sorry but you're in denial. if he's still trying to contact her, it doesn't matter if the contacts are not GOING THROUGH. and you go on and on about why you have the right to be angry at the other woman, and at the end of the day, WHO CARES? sorry for being harsh, but what the heck??? why do you think you are STILL ANGRY? if things are going GOOD with your husband and you guys have worked things through, WHY WOULD YOU STILL BE FOCUSED ON THIS GIRL? don't you know that you're distracting yourself. and as for you feeling bad because you were the one who wanted the separation - WHAT? classic GUILT that doesn't belong to you. and a man who does a whore for revenge but then still tries to contact her because he wants TO YELL AT HER? HE SAID HE LOVED HER. it was more than revenge, YOU NEED TO SEE THAT. SHE WORKED WITH YOU, OK, BUT HE MADE A FAMILY WITH YOU. why are you wasting your energies on this girl???you get over the pain once you face/feel it. and it's not that SHE hurt you, it's that HE hurt you and you hurt him. you get over the pain once you stop hurting each other.and btw, none of us are telling you you CAN'T blame her. that's stupid. clearly you do. but let me ask you thishow has blaming her and hating her helped you and your family? how has it helped your relationship with your husband? you let go of this girl once you say yeh, i CAN blame her, but doesn't mean she deserves all the blame.i think that you WANT to blame her. let's be honest. blaming it all on her means that you don't have to deal with the fact that it's BS that your husband blames you for his behavior and that you blame yourself. and that it's BS he tries to contact her still and that it's BS if you think that's not as big of a deal because he's unsuccessful at contacting her and that it's BS you are staying in this relationship without facing the truth because you're too afraid to be alone.and it sounds like he's the one egging you on to hate this girl. great, you have your relationship back together with hate-glue. he's telling you of intimate details that happened with the other woman. details intended to blame her, not himself. just because he can spill the beans about their relationship doesn't change shit about yours. it doesn't mean he's more of an honest person.i was cheated on a few years ago. it took me a long time to get over it and i can't imagine what it's like to do so when you're married to them. so i do have compassion despite my harsh words. but seriously. you're here for answers, get a grip. i remember that for a time i was angry with the other girl, and really angry with myself for not having done this or ignoring him for this. and yeah, be sorry for hurting his feelings but know that it ends there. do you go around cheating on him every time he hurts you? no. does this mean you are better than him and you should treat him like shit now? no. for a long time i was filled with regret, guilt, anger, and hurt... and EXCUSES. so many excuses. LIES. know that those lies will prevent you from having joy in your life. you have to break them down.

[Aron1968_30]

You thinking about this girl is almost nothing more than a distraction from what you should be mad about..... your husband still trying to contact her. Its not her fault that your husband is STILL going the text, facebook etc, route to stay in touch with her. For that matter.... her boinking your husband wasn't personally directed as an attack on you or your kids..... its just what she does.I would suggest that you give yourself a break, first and foremost. In time you'll see that SHE isn't the problem, but rather your husband is. You are the only one who knows if this guy is trustworthy....... right?Try to ween yourself off your obsession with this chick on a daily basis. Allow yourself time to think about it, but then when that time is up, you HAVE to stop thinking about it. Each day devote less and less time to it. Allow it to die...... since at this point, with her having already moved on, YOU may be the only one keeping it alive. And as long as you keep it alive, it'll be just as strong as the period of time that it happened.Good luck to you... God bless

[elliemae2]

tell your husband to go back to her since that is where he obviously wants to be.Find someone new and get on with your life. Once a cheater--always a cheater.You will never trust him again and it is just eating away at your marriage so just end it and find someone else. I went through the same thing.

[whereRyou4797]

Put your focus where it belongs. Obviously things are not going "good" if hubby is still trying to contact her. He is either in this marriage or out. If he is in, he stays away from contacting women or doing anything else that looks suspicious. Spend your time and energy finding solutions to your marriage. You can't control him. Either he wants to work with you to get both your needs met in this marriage or he packs his bags and saves you the drama. In a long-term marriage, there is a lot to get through and sometimes the best friends and lovers get lost in the shuffle. Get back to the basics. What is missing? What needs are not being met? Are you two having any fun? Any romance? Have you negotiated solutions to the problems? Are you able to communicate effectively, lovingly, fairly? Get into counseling together and find the love that you must have together. Otherwise, call it a day and end it. Life is very, very short. There is no time for all this drama. What is important to you? What makes you happy? What are your values, goals and dreams? Are you working toward them? Get happy in you and then figure out what to do. He needs to get happy in himself or he will always have one foot out the door. Seek some help. It will change your life.

[charliebaby]

firstly sorry to hear your bad news, this has happened to my mum, you will always be looking over your shoulder is this what you really want, im sorry to say this but i would never stay with anyone that has done that to me,i know you have children but it isnt in there best interest as they will be affected either way,you should eally think about you and your childerns future xxx

[thisisme8227]

You're in denial...nothing is going good; he hasn't changed one single bit. Once a liar and a cheat, always a liar and a cheat. Stop focusing on the woman and focus on getting out of the fake marriage; your husband and this woman deserve each other and you deserve a better lilfe with someone who is mature and has some common decency. The longer you remain with him, the worse it will be and the lower your self esteem will go.

[bette698540]

why are you so much after her, I would be after his ass you need to lose him he is the one that did it.

[elvlayarvvi9964]

oh boy... he's still bangin' her! ugh, and he probably has given you a disease by now... =(... sigh! I'd dump him... and that's the truth! he stays so he does not have to pay child support and alimony, and that's the fu'n truth! don't believe a word this man says! if you really think he will change... you have to make him change... her, or you... and tell him if he tries to contact or respond to her even once more, it's divorce, stop being a doormat!!! =(... show these kids not to put up w/ this crap... otherwise, they will end up just like him!

[Notredame]

Your husband wants a cake and eat it too. It's not fair for you and your children. He's playing with your emotions and causing you pain. You need to talk to him and make the decision whether YOU want to stay with him, not if he wants to stay with you. Don't let that girl consume your life. It's between you and your husband. He has to take the responsibility to be a good husband and a father of your children. Ultimately, you're the one who decide whether you want to stay with him. The reason I'm saying that because you don't want to give him too many options since he is the one who caused all the pain and stress to your family. How can you trust him if he continues emailing, text messaging the girl knowing what he puts you through?.

[SweetS]

you need to give your husband an ultimatum to leave her. don't have sex with him if she have aids or STDs according to your explanation of new BF. he will give it to you.

[reddaisy]

you need to get rid of your husband. He isn't worth your heartache.

[chilly1410]

you can do better then this jerk, so do better. get away from him. he's a bad egg.

[pussycat8168]

As long as he is having any contact at all with this woman, you will never get over it. He needs to make it clear to you, and her, that she is permanently out of his life.

[raininonsunday9423]

It sounds to me like the only person you need to let go of is your husband. I, too, am struggling with this same dilema and the one thing I know for sure is that this is not a healthy way to live!

[jstagirl19693266]

you need to sit down and talk with her,tell her of your feelings and be nice about it. you'll get more with honey than vinagar. but once the trust is gone, its very hard to get back. hate to say it but your marriage is severely damaged, you may need to face the fact that its a losing battle to stay with him. if he cant tell you that he loves you its because he already loves another. dont torment yourself , let him go.

[AliC2392]

I think this is one of those things where you are going to have to fix yourself.....not fair I know.....however find a therapist to talk to so you can iron out your thoughts before you drive yourself crazy.....I wish you the best.

[deerlady20001261]

You have to realize its not about this girl. She didn't MAKE your hubby cheat. You said he chose you and the kids over her but now is still trying to contact her. She isn't responsible for your hubby's actions. It doesn't matter what her lifestyle is but knowing she is a nasty whore if i was you id go and have std testing done. You said, i feel obsessed with this girl and need to know her every movement. you need to STOP that NOW!! She isn't the one who is hurting you... She is merely the one HE IS DOING IT WITH. If it wasn't her it would be another woman. CANT YOU SEE THAT!! I'm telling you all this because the same thing happened to me. I spent the better part of a year trying to find out things on line and off... spent a lot of money on online investigations, finally ended up hiring a PI and for what... i found out a lot of information about her... that still didn't stop the fact that my hubby was still calling her on the phone. It was really hard on me mentally and physically as well. So with all that said im telling you.... Its all up to your hubby... That other woman cant do anything that he doesnt allow... she cant talk to him on the phone unless he answers her... she cant connect with him thru text if he doesnt read it. she cant talk to him in person unless he stands there and talks to her. FORGET ABOUT HER she is not worth the time and effort your spending on her and for what it will do you no good... You need to focus on the one here who is responsible, he is the one who is in your house and bed every day. HE IS THE ONE WHO HAS CONTROL OVER THIS SITUATION. its easy to blame her cause she means nothing to you and if you say you hate her i understand that... but until you realize who it is who is actually hurting you and hold him responsible you not getting anywhere.... just spinning your tires. Bless your heart I know your hurting. Wish there was something i could tell you to help with that... only time can do that... take it easy and one day at a time... Good Luck... If you want to talk Im deerlady2000@yahoo.com

[pictureshygirl4083]

Unless your husband has always cheated, ( it sounds that this is the first time after 13 years), you have to know there is always a reason behind why he cheated. This is not to say he had an excuse to cheat, it is to say, there is a reason or reasons why he did. Men who cheat usually is because of the way the other person makes them feel. Throughout a marriage if a wife tends to nag constantly, complain about the way her husband is, he begins to feel unappreciated and then anger and resentment kick in. This makes any guy vulnerable to a new honey who shows him affection and admiration, this draws him to cheat. It hardly ever is for the sex experience alone. Wives who nag usually do so to feel listened to, to have their husbands validate how they feel. Unfortunately, doing this, though well intended can backfire on a wife, as you have seen. Now, I am not saying that you nag, please excuse me if I have offended you, just pointed out that there are reasons a man cheats, only you can know what lead your husband to cheat. The focus here should not be this other girl, she is not the problem, she is only the result of the problems that were already there. Focus on your marriage, and see how it was that you contributed to the state it is in now. This is not to point blame, it is to know what happened to cause it so that you will have the knowledge on what needs to be fixed. Also, your husband needs to come to see how devastating his cheating has been to you, it appears he is not there yet. Don't try to patch this terrible situation alone, it is too difficult, get into counselling and hopefully you and your husband will be able to get to the root of the problems in your marriage. You need your husband to validate your feelings on this and counselling should make him come to see this. God bless and I do hope all works out for you. It takes time and effort but with hard work it can get better.

[Divie]

hmmm....what if the only reason he's trying to contact her is sex? Is is possible that he loves you but looks for another woman for sex? You really have to talk to him and ask him what this other woman has that you don't have. If you are still willing to save your marriage, try everything in your power to change for the better. If it''s a whore he wants then give it to him. Learn how to pleasure him sexually. But if, after doing the best you could and exhausts all means to save your marriage and still he communicates with her, then I guess there's no other recourse but separate.

[teeman824]

sounds bad hubby needs to choose. No more contact with her.But almost all men are cheaters at heart. it is a curse.if you look at another woman and think about her (wow, that would be nice to try, i wonder) you have betrayed your wife.