no sex with my husband - did he cheat?

[JenniferS9670]

I love my husband, he loves me. But something has been strange with him in the past 6 months. We don't have sex. And the only 2 times we've had it in the past 6 months, he's just rolled on me then rolled off. He's capable of so much more. The lack of sex is totally messing with my head. We kiss and pet, but not have sex. And his terrible performance makes me not want it as well. He feared he had a std months back from when he was single and has something that doesn't show till years later. Some STDs do that. I thought he was being paranoid and thought he just had jock itch which he was never diagnosed for. He had an UTI a few months back and lied about it for some reason. Then confessed that he was diagnosed with it a few weeks ago. I laughed cause I didn't know why he lied. then I just read how UTIs in men under 50 are likely to be sexual related.Did my husband mess up and cheat on me? Or is the lack of sex in our relationship making me paranoid?Thanks!!

[NiceLady1977]

I have no idea if he cheated on you, but something is wrong with him. He needs to see his doctor and be frank with him about what's going on.And then be honest with you. You have some serious honesty issues in your marriage.

[wizjp6933]

Both? Sounds like it's time for a no holds barred heart to heart

[BlazinGanja]

'influence' him for some better sex

[Cynical_Si]

Ask him that. But with respect, have you considered doing something a bit sleezy.. putting on something sexy before he gets home and tantalising him?

[maniamgood2me]

UTI's are not neccessarily a sex thing. I'd suggest talking to the guy it's the only way to find out.

[ike_simonelli]

yes

[Chatterbox]

Sorry, I think he is cheating on you and has been for 6 months!

[smars442002]

Why not ask him what the problem is

[sydjuliaddd]

Sounds like he did based on what you are saying.

[Sparkles8989]

STD from when he was single? Probably not telling the truth about that either. You need to get tested as you could have contacted something from him. The reason being if says he had a UTI and lied about it, and now a STD from when he was single, which he is covering himself with a lie, he is having unprotected sex now. If he had of had an STD when he was single, why did he wait till now to tell you and risk the chance of you getting it? The only STD that lies dormat for years is HIV/AIDS and Herpes. Both would have exposed you.

[EMC623]

Doesnt sound to reassuring. Try talking to him.

[timssterling]

Well you definitely have a problem whether he did or not. Something isnt right. Yah hes probably tooling around if he hid something like that. You are going to have to get to the bottom of it and htere is only one way, communication.

[neogaillinois]

i dont think he is cheating. most married couples that i know have no sex at all.

[MichaelC]

I think its the lack of making love thats affecting your relationship. Also I know being a guy that its difficult admitting that I have something like that to my wife because it would make me feel like im putting something in between me and my wife. Does that make sense?

[Floridagirl2150]

Sounds a little suspicious to me. i would look into a little more if I were you. I hope he hasn't been cheating on you, for your sake because things like that can really do a number on people. Good luck to you and your husband.

[Eldude]

Some men just loose the desire with age and the same applies to women.That is one of the causes for the so called "Seven Year Itch". AKA: Cheating or Affairs and one of the reason women in their 30's and 40's dress like 18 yo girls and go clubbing. To get what they are not getting at home.

[drphillianhere]

No, I don't think it's paranoid. When strange behavior is happening, it is most likely that he is doing something different in life. I'm not saying he's cheating, but I won't delete that from my list as well. You should investigate more into this and see if you can catch him in awkward times rather than the routine he might be used to seeing you in.

[JohnM]

he might just be self concious about his physical condition. plus the phrase terrible performance makes me wonder if perhaps you are a bit judgemental about his bedroom acumen. that can make a man reluctant to engage in sex as well.have you been taking care of yourself? do you criticize him a lot? these can be reasons for reduced libido in your partner as well.Not really enough to go on here, but I do get a sense that you might benefit from some introspection...

[Dad]

at least you are not going to catch anything you don't want - look on the bright side .... infections can play havoc with ones urge, even minor ones ... despite my advancing years i had a problem for a few months which was then diagnosed as infected gums - treat that, no problem afterwards... How is the working pattern - stress and frustration at work does not help ....is it just sex you have or do you make love? If its love then you'll work it through.....

[philosophy]

Could also be prostrate trouble. That lowers sex drive and could develop an UTI from it.

[Jennifer5897]

if neither of you are wanting sex there are obviously some deep rooted issues. you need to talk to him. it sounds like your best bet may be some marriage therapy. those things are hard to deal with on your own. good luck!

[MommaBear2860]

It could be that he's just embarrassed and doesn't want to infect you, if he does have a STD.The best thing you can do is talk him into going to the doctor.That way he can be treated and not pass it on to you.Then maybe he'll feel better about it.I don't think it's "guilt" as much as I believe it's just simply being "embarrassed".Good luck ;)

[b_furbee21]

It's hard to say there are sooo many factors that would go in to this...How long you've been married, how old you are...When would he have time to cheat? Have you pointed out any "free" time he might have to do so?My husband is very shy about medical stuff...maybe he is very shy about it too...maybe he is in pain from whatever medical problem he's going through and doesn't want to admit it? Have you thought about that...maybe that's why there is a lack of sex...it's hard to tell without knowing the WHOLE situation...I say good luck...try to discuss it more with him and may be get a counselor...find where his free time is...could he cheat?

[billgoats79]

Either he has a medical issue, or he is cheating. Guys simply cant go that long without it, especially when its laying right next to you day after day. You need to talk to him, ask him if he has a problem.

[AmericanBeauty6641]

The man is cheating on you. Insist that he see a doctor, to see if he has any health problems. Most likely, he won't want to go; because he knows he's cheating!

[peace_love_0784]

He might of cheated and thats why he didnt want to tell you...cos obviously you dont have it right??...so where did he get it...men can get it but its so much more common in woman and most men only get it from having sex with a woman???...i think he cheated...and the fact that he didnt want to tell you kinda proves it...he finally did tell you maybe he thought you werent smart enough to put 2 and 2 together...i would confront him acting like you already know and be pushy about it...watch for his reaction..it should tell all.

[Sonsie]

If there was nothing wrong with your sex life before...then I would sit him down and let him know that you are seriously starting to doubt his commitment to you because of the lack of intimacy.Hang in there girl, I'm sure there is a perfectly reasonable explanation for all of this.Good luckS.

[Atom74]

I would most likely say no, he isn't cheating, or probably having sex at all. Even if he 'blew off' having a STD or some sort of infection this is a definate blow to a male ego. I would also guess that he isn't being entirely honest about his past either, and is probably troubled with some of the decisions he made in the past. But having a STD, even something common and easily transmittable can really fracture the male ego, destroy relationships and harbor a tonne of secrets.

[whereRyou]

Uh-Oh. Time for a serious sit-down with hubby. Is he in this marriage or out? Is the marriage his number one priority in his life? He is unhappy, angry and not getting his needs met and doesn't know what to do to fix it. Sit him down and find out why he is unhappy and how to fix it. It very much sounds like he cheated, but the cheating is less the problem than him not stepping up and working to make this marriage and himself happy. You are not paranoid. The flags are up and any normal person would know there was a problem. It is probably fixable if you are both willing to be responsible for working out solutions to fix your marriage. You have a serious problem on your hands with your husband. Tell him to get real or get the hell out. Don't second-guess yourself. You are dead-on on this one. Don't be manipulated and lied to.

[Mopar9830]

he is cheating

[FreeGirlNow]

You know, there is a possibility that he cheated. I don't know how many times my ex cheated on me, but the one that I caught him with was all I needed to get put. Maybe you two should try marriage counseling. Sex is VERY important in a marriage and if you two are not having it...things can only go downhill from there.

[NiCkAy7296]

Honeslty, ,, maybe it may not be working and he is afraid or embarrssed to tell you. One thing to really look for is if he has been really nice lately too, or on certian days. Men act really nice when they know that they messed up!. But I would talk to him tell him how you are feeling, maybe if he sees that this is really bothering you that he will open up more to you.

[Toots]

I can't say he is cheating or not....However, something sounds really off..It may be a possibilty because you would know him better then any of us. I never heard of an STD that shows up years later, besides aids. And why would he hid the UTI from you? You need to have a talk with him and possibly hire a private detective. At least you know the truth & you don't want to get any other STD he may have..goodluck!

[Kristin]

It sounds like he is hiding something. Sorry. You need to first decide what you can handle the truth being. If he did cheat, and it would be over for you, that's okay. If he did and you are okay with working it out, be prepared to be hurt. Sit him down and tell him that you love him. Tell him that you need him to be completely honest with you. Also, tell him that he doesn't have to do this alone, you are married, married couples work things out. But you deserve the truth. If he still is holding back, you will be able to tell. He won't look at you or he will fuss with his clothes, hair ect. If you can get him to open up, do not judge. Tell him how it has hurt you but also remind him that it hurts you to see him hurt. You want to get all feelings out in the open. You are hurt because he's hiding things from you instead of trusting you to understand. He's hurt because he doesn't think you will understand. Good luck and I hope things work out.

[mercury9501]

I think you are just paranoid.I am a male ,53 years old and have had UTI's since my 20's.Mine were caused by oxalic acid which also causes me to have kidney stones.He may have cheated but basing that conclusion on the fact that he was diagnosed with an infection is nonsense.look for other clues and evidence before you accuse him.I hope you find him to be innocent

[GrapeApe]

Sounds like you have a cheater on your hands. Hirer a private investigator and find out for sure. On the other hand make sure it is not you. Woman can be a carrier of chlamydia and not know it. Lack of sex can cause a condition called prostatitus and than can cause a burning feeling and be very painful. Have you changed your hygiene in anyway? Leg's/body clean shaved etc. Ask him if he is still happy, maybe he really was not in love? If you have not changed at all then I would for sure suspect your worst fears. Remember once a cheat always a cheat and that applies to men and woman.

[AliC8237]

It sounds like something happened to him or with him. Maybe and hopefully you guys will have a long holiday weekend together...start it off by making sure he is having a lot of fun...emphasize tht you really like him and enjoy his friendship...reestablish your friendship with him...this is the basis of any good marriage, then at some point tell him that you are really confused by his behavior over the past six months...ask him to please, as your friend to tell you what is going on with him. I will tell you how I see it, hopefully it will help you...my view on marriage is that it can last a really long time....people who are married for 50 and 60 years go through many things together. Life and human frailties are a part of a marriage. If your husband and you are truly friends then there is nothing that human frailties and life can do to come between you, it all gets worked out. I mean, look at the people you see sometimes who have been together their entire lives, it is really cool and unmeasurably special that they have with stood all together, just because they found some one to love them for them. You could tell your husband that you love him like this, that you like him that much and that there is nothing as a couple that you can't work through together, working through something alone is much too hard sometimes. Let him know that you are there for him, that you feel that you guys can work through anything together...try to mean it and see what happens..I wish you the best.

[carriegreen133339]

He is worried about his health, when a man is thinking the worst or what he might have, it is on his mind and that does not help with intimacy at all.Talk to your husband, if he is worried about what he might have again, make an appointment with the doctor to put his mind at ease.Some STD's can re-accure, so he probably did not get on a prescription the first time he had it, and now it is re-accuring, talk to him, make an appointment for him or have him make one, and have him get checked out, he probably knows he is infected, and does not want you to be infected also.That would explain his lack of interest in bed.Honey, please have him get checked out, it is probably re-accurring again, and he does not want you to be infected, have him get checked out, and they have medications for him so that it will not spread to you.

[agrocks]

You really don't have enough information to determine whether or not he's cheating (or cheated). His UTI could have caused discomfort (or still healing and causing discomfort). He is making out with you, so there is some interest at infrequent times, but no performance. He may be having erectile disfunction due to other medical conditions. Since he brought up the STD issue, you need to ask him for a LOT more information about this particular STD for the sake of your own health. After all, he could have infected you BEFORE his symptoms ever showed up. So, ask him to go to his doctor with him so you can get an explanation as to what kind of STD(s) the doctor thinks it could be. Also, have him ask his doctor to evaluate him for erectile disfunction, because the lack of attention there is of great concern to you. I think once you push for medical answers (which you need to do anyway for the sake of your own health), you'll find out what this is all about fairly quickly. And hopefully this is just as "simple" as ED with the male anxiety behind it.But don't worry too much about an affair until after you get answers to the medical questions. Just keep that in the back of your mind for now in case the medical answers don't make sense.Good luck!

[hershey]

If you want to know try to find out if your mind is wondering than maybe it might be true. But if your heart you dont think so then let it be, but if it bothers you find out and settle it but no the circumstances of the knowing. Best of luck!!

[RRK2338]

Of course, HE must be doing something wrong, right? Because this ain't your fault, it it? Have you cut your hair? Gained a few pounds? Are you as inticing as you once were?Make sure you project he blame outside yourself, you'll be happier.

[Thatdude6865]

Sounds very suspect, I would ask him to get a blood test and make sure you see the results, no sex till after that. He is hiding something

[ree]

Yes he's cheating and it's probably with your best friend. He has an std and gave you the gift that keeps on giving.Good Luck and Happy Thanksgiving.

[Ski3571]

here's a novel idea. ask him. does anyone just talk anymore?

[CB8770]

If he has a medical condition, he should get help. If he is cheating, I don't think anyone can give you an answer about it. Only you can find out from your husband if he is faithful to you.

[gp4410]

it's either he's having sex with other women or he's suffering from erectile dysfunction. he should see the doctor. if it's not the erectile dysfunction, well, it's the other. =) i suggest that you have a heart to heart talk with him. maybe there are issues that u should know, too, that makes him avoid having sex with you.

[walker9842]

Sweetheart, It could be any number of things. Has he ever cheated before? Is everything else good in your marriage? Let me give you a man's point of view. Speaking from experience here are some things that may drag a man's sex drive down. work,stress, illness, no happy with his body "if he's outta shape" and a whole list of other things. Could he be cheating? sure, but generally there's more going on than that. Have you tried talking to him? if so does his answer follow what you have seen? And just because you may not think it's a big deal, it may be a big deal for him.Hope this helps, email me if you need too

[Sands2895]

You can get excellent advice at www.survivinginfidelity. com including signs to watch for, how to listen in on telephone conversations, how to keylog his email conversations, how to obtain a divorce, how to make things work out if you still want to, what to say to your children/family/friends, and how to move on. Another great site is www.cheaternews. com.