how can your spouse have an affair for months or years?

[spazzydee17]

without you knowing about it? I'm not being critical, i just think it's a little scary. I would like to think that if my husband was having an affair, I would find out about it ASAP and that I would notice the subtle changes in his behavior, etc. Now I'm thinking that I may not notice any changes right away. I read a lot of questions from women whose husband had an affair for months or years before they found out about it. How does this happen?? Do you miss the signs or are there times where there aren't any signs. Are some people so good at cheating that their spouse just never finds out?

[Hammy]

All sorts of reasons really. The cheater could be that good a lies and cover ups. The spouse being cheated on could be naive and refuse to see the obvious. The relationship might be one of complete trust where infidelity never crosses the spouses mind. In most cases the cheater is not going to be leaving clues that scream I'm screwing around on you.

[jen2529]

Some people in love are so blinded they can't see the signs. It's dosnt make them a dumb person, they just so fully trust and love the other person that it dosnt even registar that this could happen

[BrutallyHonest]

Sometimes, sadly, it's simple denial. People (men AND women) just don't want to believe or acknowledge the fact that the person they trust and love could betray them so badly.In other instances, its that the behavior doesn't become apparent immediately...sometimes the person simply becomes lazy or slips up, or WANTS their partner to find them out (guilt or an out so they can get a divorce without feeling like THEY'RE the ones who started it).

[Ashley5129]

I think with a lot of people they just dont want to know, and with those blinders on they pretend it isnt happening until something so big they cant ignore happens (walking in on them, spouse actually telling them)

[Butterfly9885]

i guess that some spouses are good at hiding stuff which isn't good at all....you'd think that the other spouse would see the behavior changes and all but i guess in some cases not. it's quite a scary thing to find out, though, isn't it? this happens for many reasons (the spouse having the affair) usually with nothing to do with the other spouse, they just go and cheat....i feel immense pain towards any spouse that has been cheated on!

[sophia_of_light]

Good Question!!! My intuition/instincts (something) always told me when I was being cheated on! and when suspicion is there seek and ye shall find truth!

[outbackbob83733]

I don't mean to make you nervous, but it can happen and it is scary to realize how naive we can be about this.In the past year I found out that my wife of 26 years has had several "crushes" and emotional flings over the years, although she claims she never actually cheated, and I never even suspected a thing because she's always fanatically religious and very jealous and accusing of me. The revelation came as such a shock to me and now I must admit that while I want to believe her that she never actually cheated, I find it hard because I now realize that I have no way of knowing and that she can and will deceive me and lie to me to make herself look good. BTW I read somewhere that the average fling lasts about 6 weeks. For what that's worth.

[myangelsfuture]

I think maybe its just denial, because facing the cold hard truth is just to hard sometimes. My own mother is going threw it and it really sucks none of us are surprised by it at all because of the kind of person he is. You are just kind of stuck you know? When ever its pointed out to her she just pushes us away more. So they need to do it on their own which seems to take for ever! Patience is all we can do. So no its not that they are so good at hidding it, the spouse is just not willing to accept it most of the time.

[LJ4Bama]

Sometimes people are in pure denial and don't want to face the reality of what's really going on.

[Niki]

my husband didn't know his ex wife was cheating because she would always go for "runs" and say she was going grocery shopping and be gone for hours she was a good liar and i think he didn't want to think she was screwing other guys its sad because hes such a great guy and she rewind his trusting nature

[bonnieboobabe6439]

It is very scary, but yes, some people are very good at lying, hiding things and covering things up. Maybe in a lot of cases, the changes don't come about suddenly. A little here and a little there. Like losing your hearing or sight, if the changes are gradual enough you may not notice. I do believe that women tend to believe what they want to believe a lot of times and just look the other way because confronting that issue is so hard and much of the time there are kids involved. I do also believe there are times when there are no noticable signs. My ex was self-employed so he could leave the crew on the job working and go where he wanted. Come home at the same time every day the money wouldn't have changed. Had I not occasionally shown up at the jobsite, I might have never known. Yes, a lot of people just never find out, more often than not though, I'd think those would not be long affairs.

[trixie6336]

sometimes it is hard to predict these things. my cousin has been married for 10 years and her husband was having a secret affair with a woman in Costa Rica. Some people just dont want to see the signs. it just depends on the person.