purplemoon0101
10-27-2006, 10:04 AM
Dear Wife:I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever.I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to showfor it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell methat you quit your job today and that was the last straw.Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had a newhaircut, had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair ofsilk boxers. You ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep afterwatching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore;You don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband and wife.Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever thecase, I'm gone.Your EX-HusbandP.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to WestVirginia together! Have a great life!Dear Ex-Husband -Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true thatyou and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is afar cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because theydrown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work.I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing thatcame to mind was "You look just like a girl!" Since my mother raised menot to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment .And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confusedwith MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99price tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was a coincidence thatmy sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning. Afterall of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out.So when I hit the lotto f or ten million dollars, I quit my job andbought us two tickets to Jamaica . But when I got home you were gone.Everything happens for a reason, I guess.I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer saidthat the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me. So takecare.*Signed,Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell and Free!P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was bornCarl. I hope that's not a problem.