IndianPrincess
09-17-2006, 05:16 AM
Dear Wife:I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leavingyou forever. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I havenothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your bosscalled to tell me that you quit your job today and that was the laststraw.Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that Ihad a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brandnew pair of silk boxers. You ate in two minutes, and went straight tosleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love meanymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband andwife. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore;whatever the case, I'm gone.Your EX-HusbandP.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are movingaway to West Virginia together! Have a great life!Dear Ex-Husband -Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although agood man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so muchbecause they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad thatdoesn't work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but thefirst thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since mymother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, Ididn't comment, And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must havegotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork sevenyears ago.About those new silk boxers: I turned away from youbecause the $49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed that it wasa coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from methat morning. After all of this, I still loved you and felt that wecould work it out. So when I hit the lotto for ten million dollars last night, Iquit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica this morning. But when I got homeyou were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess.I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted.My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dimefrom me. So take care.Signed,Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell and Free!P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl.I hope that's not a problem.