Do you consider this a form of cheating?

[CookieMonster3310]

My husband has a thing for porn. He watches porn online, and on video.. I guess I really don't mind that so much because I've watched porn with him before as a part of foreplay. What I'm really concerned with is his myspace page. I have 30 "friends"- all of whom I know in real life (friends and family members). My husband has 200 "friends. 10 are real friends and family, the other 190 are porn starts and slutty women. He writes comments like "hey sexy, have a great day" and they send him pics and write sexy things to him. He rationizes that he'll never meet these women anyway.I don't know what to do. We've been married 5 years. I've never turned down his advances. He'd rather stay up at night looking at porn and writing to the women on myspace than sleeping with me. Would you consider this cheating? I feel like he's went outside of our marriage to fulfill his needs. I've talked to him about it and he doesn't see anything wrong with his behavior.He won't go to marriage counseling.

[Lilme]

It is not cheating, but it is still unwelcome and uncomfortable to you. Let him know how it makes you feel- it's one thing to watch porn, but it's another to attempt to communicate with these women.See how he responds from there. Make sure you don't tell him this on your way rushing out the door to do something- sit down with him to imply that it's something that seriously troubles you. He may not know that you're seriously hurt by it, and may not even realize how what he's doing is making you feel.If he still tries to downplay it, I would INSIST on marriage counseling.

[fruitytuttytutty]

This is a very difficult one. Well, have you tried having a heart to heart with him, perhaps earlier in the evening or when he's relaxed? I think men find counseling difficult cos it feels like they've lost their pride. But at the end of the day, if he knows that you're upset with it and he stills does it, then I don't think he's being very fair on you.

[jillywilly]

Wow, that is a toughy....here is the rule in our marriage.....We are up for ANYTHING in the bedroom to keep things spicy, BUT we draw the line with a third party....porn,talking on computer "that way" magazines and especially in person. That keeps it easy and honest for us. Luckily for me my husband doesn't like porn to begin with. Good luck!!

[luckyfalcon]

How would he feel if you was up all nite on myspace, doing what he is. if you watch porn sound hott enuf for me. seriously if its bothering you, he needs to stop!!! if he cares he will!!!

[JessieK]

It doesn't matter what the term is- it's making you feel bad. What's even worse, he doesn't see a problem after you TOLD him it makes you feel bad enough to seek counseling. I think most guys like to look at porn- I see it as cheating PREVENTION- but to talk to all these girls is disrespectful to you, and does not move the marriage forward. Ask him if he would feel better about therapy if the therapist was male? He might be afraid of being ganged up on.Haha, Jillywilly, you dear sweet innocent child- your husband has convinced you he doesn't like porn. That's rich. Good one.

[Poppet1977]

Since he is having real life contact with these women that is a form of cheating. Also, his porn usage isn't the occasional indulgence and IS interfering with his quality of life.I think counseling would be wise. But counseling won't fix anything if he doesn't see there is a problem.

[ohiojeff6633]

i consider it cheating in that you are supposed to be the focus of his intimacy,friendship and sharing, not some stranger over the internet. the worst part is i was even guilty of it at one point. i kind of had to rethink things, and i believe if we want our marriages to thrive, we need to focus more on them. i dont have a problem with porn in limitted use, but i dont believe we should have personal contact of a sexual nature with stragners over the net. that is the line in the sand i have drawn for myself, but i feel it is the right one.

[LA]

If your looking for a way to get him to be more interested in the bedroom instead of the computer, ask him what it is, other than the fact that he will never get a chance with these women, why he likes it. Then, see if you can roleplay those things or ideas. I agree that he should not try to contact them or shoot them emails, but all guys look at porn. I say let him look as long as he is not forgetting about you when you are ready and he stops leaving them messages.

[prncessang228]

i say yes this is a form of cheating (what is considered emotionally cheating to some people). he is stepping outside of the marriage to fullfill his sexual needs and that's wrong!!i would sit down and have a serious talk with him-tell him that although the porn doesn't bother you (afterall you've watched it together and at least with it-he's not talking to other women), the myspace page has to go. tell him you feel replaced, unloved, and no longer wanted by him b/c of it, regardless of whether or not he will ever see these women (which could be a lie down the road-did you check to see if some of them are local?). tell him that since he won't go to counseling with you and is making no attempt to resolve this issue and make your relationship better-the myspace pages goes or you do.you have to be strong and stick to your decision. maybe leaving for a while (not permanently but separating) will make him see just how wrong he is and make him realize what he has. i think myspace is a horrible temptation for people and it destroys relationships. my bf set up a page only b/c some coworkers told him about it-he last checked his 2 months ago and deletes all the friend requests he recieves (me and his brother in law are the only people on his friends page). your husband obviously doesn't know how (or doesn't want to respect you) and for that reason-his page needs to go. tell him not just deleting the friends will do-the whole page needs to be gone. i'm sad for you and the disrespect you are experiencing from someone who is supposed to love you.

[gogo7]

There are several ways to cheat. I think it's cheating. He's not just looking at nude pictures in a magazine or a movie. He's having online sexual relations with other women. He should not be conversing with anybody but you about anything sexual or intimate. That's cheating. I think it's pretty lousy and he obviously doesn't care how you feel about it - not a good thing for your marriage. I do know guys who have been thrown out of the house and divorced doing the same. It's not just you - there's something wrong with what he is doing.

[scubalady016618]

Well, I wouldn't consider it cheating, but you do have a problem in that it bothers you and he doesn't seem to care. He's living in fantasy land right now and you know the old saying: the brain is the biggest sex organ. Chances are that if you ask him to quit completely, he'll just do it in secret, but you two need to have a serious conversation about it. I'm not surprised that he won't go to counseling because in his head, he doesn't have a problem and probably doesn't want to be told by the counselor that he needs to either reduce time online or quit.I think what you need to make clear to him is that when his behavior makes you unhappy, then it affects your marriage. Before you talk to him, think about what you want to do if he chooses not to reduce his time online or if he won't quit. If he remains stubborn, your choice will be to either put up with it or leave.

[kyleg]

, 'You shall not commit adultery. But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

[mjm52]

I think this is a gray area when it comes to cheating. It's really how YOU feel that matters. I do think it sounds like he has a type of addiction. I'm not sure you even need a marriage counsellor, but, maybe he should join a support group for this type of addiction, that is if he's willing. In the long run it may ruin your marriage if he doesn't get it under control. Good luck.

[maggieeld]

Cheating, no. Here's why: Men need their egos stroked even more than women do and this is just fantasy for him. It's just another case of the Myspaces... He knows he will never meet these women but it gives him an outlet to dream and relive those days when women sought him out. It's far better than him meeting and chatting up the ladies at the local bar. Don't let it bother you; it has nothing to do with you. It doesn't mean that he loves you any less or that he will ever be unfaithful to you. So far as the porn, again, it's a fantasy. It doesn't mean he will ever be unfaithful. You shouldn't take it personally. Men are wired to be polygamous and spread their seed to the far corners of the earth and farther if they could. But faithful men (like your husband) make a conscious choice to be willing not to. To remain faithful to you. For some men, attention from the women at work or a wink from the gal at the end of the bar is enough. Your husband is only entertaining fantasy with women he will never meet which is a good thing! Don't fault him for this because he obviously loves you dearly and would never consider being unfaithful. Of course you don't like the Myspaces; just keep in mind that it's innocent and only his outlet and nothing more. You have a good marriage.

[maran]

It's not cheating but if I were in your shoes I would start warring, knowing that my husband communicates through Internet with other women. What if, one day, decides to meet the persons on the other side of the line?

[possessedbyinsanity]

this isnt cheating as such in my opinionwhy dont you watch porn with him?

[SandiE]

I absolutely believe this is cheating. He may not be having actual sex but he is committing emotional and sexual adultery. Men have a different opinion of sex - it can be impersonal - but he shouldn't have female friends who talk with him on a sexual level. Even constantly looking at porn in a magazine can change a man's relationship with "real" women in his life. I have a friend whose ex-husband began doing phone sex and eventually he completely stopped having sex with his wife. Their marriage ended because of it. Please seek the help and advise of a counselor, even if he won't go. Someone needs to find a way to get your husband to see that what he is doing is wrong.

[sparkleythings_4you0066]

The watching of porn, I do not consider cheating, but I would be annoyed if my hubby was contacting people like yours is doing, so yes I would consider that part of your question as cheating emotionally

[12pacfan]

you both need to get rid of your myspace page...

[UnholyThoughts]

i think hes taking it a bit too far... maybe he likes the mystery stuff... try sendin him txts and seducing him into the bedroom. i think he likes the fantasy but you have to watch that it doesnt take over his sex drive. see if you can limit what he does. its ok for porn but not in huge masses. a lil flirting doesnt hurt but when it interfers with your sex life you have to pull the plug. if need be state that if it continues you will leave and be ready to follow through. if is really that innocent he will drop it like a tonne of bricks but if it isnt then its probably an addiction that he will need counciling for.

[elvlayarvvi6859]

fantasy is lusting, and lusting is adultery according to the Bible as Kyle said above me... forsaking all others is the vow, and he's not doing that...! if he wants to be single and have women chase him and he chase them then he should be single, not married! never meet them? he has met them, online! meeting is meeting, talking is talking, online or in person! same thing! my guess is his buddies talked him into doing this and they get away w/ it w/ their wives, sigh =(... he should be telling you that you are sexy, not them! yep, it's cheating... =(... ultimatum, you, or the sluts he's chattin' to... don't settle for less than you deserve! good luck... I would not put up w/ it... he is hoping you will give in and let him do what he wants...that, my dear, is not what marraige is about! he does not even have needs to be fulfilled in this way... they are lusts... by the way, too all others, some men really don't like porn, lol! some men don't watch it, either! and boy, that's rude of him to watch it while you are at home waiting for him to come to bed... my God... he's got balls, but, he don't use them right... sigh =(...

[nicolegrace2]

You do the same as him as see how he likes it.

[TheMrs6157]

He's got a porn addiction that may manifest into him doing something outlandish, like seeking sex with a prostitute. Be warned.It's one thing to get off occasionally with porn, like my husband and I do. It's quite another to be consumed with it to the point you're staying up in the wee hours and your 95% of your myspace friends list is porn stars.I'd check him immediately.

[shyb]

Yes i think that is wrong because he shouldnt stay up late to look at prone he should be spending time with you. also i would keep my eyes and ears open.

[greatlakesdude]

Anything that takes his romantic attention away from you and transfers it to someone (real or in cyberspace, regardless of what he says) else, is cheating. You need to tell him to stop, cold turkey, or you will leave him. If you don't you are only postponing the inevitable and wasting your time with this guy.

[MrCummings]

well your man hasd a problem because if my wife was trying to have sex with me that often ....porn wouldnt even compare. porn isnt cheating though....but if youre trying to get intimate with him and he is dodging you ii would address it ...