how much do you tell?

[savannah]

How much do you tell friends and family when you're separated. On one hand, I want to talk to somebody so much. And on the other, if we reconcile, I don't want them to hate him for all the stuff I've told them. It's hard to know what to do, and yet, I didn't make this problem, he did.

[idiotwife]

That is my problem too. I guess I liked the idea of having the "perfect marriage". I've always pretended to my family that everything is good. For some reason (I can't figure out why I do this) it scares me and I really hate the thought of my family looking down at him or thinking he is a bad husband. I know some women that will run right to their family (mom, sister, whomever) and spill the beans and tell them every detail of a problem that they and their hubby is having. I've often wondered how they can do that...do they worry what others will think of their husband afterwards?

Sometimes I think I have more tact and am smarter because I don't do that.....and other times I wonder if I am just weak because I don't do that.

Confused Idiot Wife

[Jewel]

I haven't mentioned anything to my family as of yet, just because we aren't all that close. They didn't approve of me getting married so young, and I know that if I told them about all of our problems, they would rub it in my face. That would feel worse than keeping it secret, I think.

Some friends do know of course, but that's about it.

[SerenBaker]

I told people who needed to know and had a couple of close friends that I could really vent to and who would listen to me gripe.

[jessi_rubin]

close friends can be taken as good listeners. But always remember that you are telling them this because you want to lighten up not for them to know about your story. So be brief and share with as few as you can whome you can trust will digest it. As for the hate they will have for your man if you re coincile, I think that if you both start loving each other again then it wont matter if your friends hate him or like him.

[savannah]

well, I don't know, jessi. It does seem to me that friends can either help or break a relationship in many ways. And telling private things to others that you wish you hadn't said later can really come back to haunt you. The more I think about it, the more it seems the best policy to keep my private business to myself, except for, as you say, maybe one trusted person who won't judge in the future.