help me please i really need professional help?

[Sexy_mum24]

i know you are all gonna think that i am a dirty person and deserve what i get but i really do need some help,i have been married for 4 yrs we have two kids and seem happy enough with each other,but the problem is i am a constant lier i can't stop lying to him about everything i dont know whether i do it for attention or what but i think im sick in the head and need help,i have cheated on him 2 times and are talking online to a friend of 2-3 yrs and things are getting hot between us,i really really love my husband to death and it makes me sick and cry everytime i think about cheating on him or hurting him,but i just cant seem to stop myself,i have tried lying to the guys im cheating with and saying that im moving overseas or moving states etc it works for a while but then when we(hubby and i) have a fight i go looking for attention online with these guys again,and frankly i am sick of being some dirty sl*t that they dont care about anyways,im not sure why i act this way but i need helpi think also because i was sexually abused throughout my life by my father and didnt ever get help for that,that i am looking for attention in men that i never got from him..im not sure but it has alot to do with the way i feel.the need to be accepted by men..please dont just abuse me i really need some advise or ill just keep going through this enless cycle of crap and i really do want to change im sick of being this way.

[DanielT6772]

You do need professional help...so the question is, what's stopping you from getting it?I wish you the best of luck. You really should see someone (professionally). Perhaps you are bipolar and need medication. Perhaps you just need some counseling.

[BlueGirl007]

i am sure some people suffer from stress and they feel they have to get away from their ordinary life and be someone else. you should definitely talk to your husband, whom you love so much, and explain to him that you are trying to stop and you two need some help. or maybe your husband is not giving you what you need, and you could also tell him and see if it is within his power to give you that. but i encourage you to seek professional counseling and go from theregood luck

[lvny01]

you do need help- and the only way its gonna happen is to come clean with your husband- problem is- he may or may not stay around- DO NOT keep lying just because you dont want him to leave> You owe him the truth. Then ask if he wants to help you get help-- he may not stay around for that either- but you need to do it for yourself- or your future with anyone will be compromised.

[ZCT0485]

I think you answered your own question. You say you really need professional help. So get it. See a therapist and see where that goes. Clearly you cannot fix this problem by yourself. But you do need to fix it or before long you will find yourself single and wondering how it happened.If you really love your husband and kids, you need to work on your inner demons.

[oldsch00li0]

that sucks for your family.try to find something else to satisy yourself.maybe seek professional help.yea, you are screwed up - but you can change.don't tell him what you did - and don't ever do it again.Pray to God for help.

[GrantM9035]

I am not a religeous freek but if you started to go to church and really listened to the word you will be ok... I do wish you luck Grant M in Pennsylvania

[Jules7071]

Your unresolved abuse is probably not helping the situation. You need to seek help or you will ruin your life and your husband's. And you don't have the right to hurt anyone if you truly love him.

[denise]

I think that you need to ask yourself some important questions. "Do you really want to stay married or not?" Your husband sooner or later will find out the truth. The best and hardest thing to do is to to confess to him, what you have been doing, and that you want him to help you to change. If he can forgive you these "affairs", then he may stay. But, you are hurting him evertime you sleep with someone else. He may not be able to forgive you, and start over. but, you need to want to change, and ask his "forgiveness".

[KayV]

You need to find a local family counselor. (professional!) Yahoo answers is NOT professional help.If your husband as been loyal to you and provided for you and your children....you have seriously wronged him --- ultimately ---I truly pity him...From my experience, many girls are in constant need of attention from men no matter how it conflicts with their moral judgment....abused or not....I think it's a self-esteem issue. I wouldn't be surprised if you had a eating disorder at some point in your life.GET HELP PLEASE!!! Look through your yellow pages...You need a family counselor. Get a female counselor too!

[Wolfsburgh]

mum,If you know you need professional help, then why post this here? You are unlikely to get what you need.Your energies are better spent getting a good nights rest and getting the help you need in the a.m. It's good that you do feel guilty about all the things you've done to damage your life and others. Whatever's wrong with you, it's not a lack of conscience.Seek PROFESSIONAL (NOT HERE!) help.

[Aakash]

please try and understand me.....do one thing first,,, ask urself first few questions which i m going to lfist now and then answer them in a way that what is ur first thought for the question and b frank to urself.....1. do u really love ur husband?2. does he love u?3.do u spend time with each other? if yes than how much?4. how many times do u have sex with your husband in a month?5.and that with ur _______?after answering these questions mark them accordingly and ideally and u will surely get out of the troubles in your life.....also do "yoga" and meditation to keep ur mind in balanced state.... BEST OF LUCK

[kathyw]

I think the answer is in the way you asked your question: there is professional help in the form of personal counseling with a competent therapist. Ask friends for referrals or just ask your minister for a referral. Why risk everything you have with this behavior? Just work it out with a caring, listening helper.

[jovanm]

you need professional help, but don't let your lies keep you from getting it. Confess what you did to your husband and what your going to do to stop it. As stated already, he might leave you, but you need to fix this problem before it gets worst.

[chillinbabe213]

you need to talk to sum1...once u r abused its hard to let ppl close to u n once u do u hve a constant fearr of losing then n u become insecure thats y u need attention...guys r guys they will use u in turn mking u feel even worse bout ure self.find happinesss in yourself thought thats the hardest thing in the world wen u hve been abused.realise its not normal to treat lovedd ones like shit one day he will snap treat u like crap leave u n u will b left with no1...if u hve a fight y u crave for that attention...u gt a man so theres gt to b sumat good bout u..go n get dressed up wen u feel shit itll cheer u up, hve a cig dance to leave ure mood behind...wish i could take my own advice...

[Keside]

You really do need professional help, I had a friend who did things just like you, and she never has received help. She desperately needs it, and so do you.You are not a bad person, you are obviously willing to get better, so make an appointment with a therapist.best of luck, hun.

[MsRiddle]

Sweetheart~ you know that you need professional help and it is probably fear that is stopping you from getting it. The first thing that I want to tell you is that IT IS OKAY. You are OK. You are going to be OK. But, you need to love yourself enough to want to be more than just OK. You want to be the best person that you can be, not just for your husband or your children but for yourself. You know that your behavior is risking your marriage but do you ever think about the risks you are putting your children in?Please do not take the advice of many of the people here that are suggesting that you, "come clean" to your husband. Think of that as the ultimate goal, not a first step. The first step is to call the psychiatric hospital or your General Practioner for a referral to a psychiatrist. With the information that you have disclosed here, you will more than likely be diagnoised with a Disassociative Disorder. Many people that were traumatized as young children, physically, emotionally and especially sexually, develop different forms of Mental illnesses or Personality disorders that are nothing to be ashamed of. It is NOT your fault and it is not to be dismissed lightly by people that have probably never experienced the kind of abuse you suffered. Even if they had been sexually abused as a child, it affects different people differently due to a multitude of circumstances. Just imagine being in a car wreck with four people in the car. One got hurt but left the hospital patched up. One walked away without a scratch. One needed an operation and one died. Well, they were in the same car. Same accident, different outcome. You didn't die their honey, but you need an operation.I just finished reading an article on the MSN home page. I posted the link and I hope that it works. It is an excellent article and I am sure that you will relate to a lot of the information there. Scientists are learning more about the brain everyday and they are realizing that when children are exposed to sexual acts at an early age, it affects the development of the brain. Girls that have been abused by their Father figures are affected even more. The way your mother handled or didn't handle the situation has an effect on how you developed. Do you realize that you are abusing yourself now? You do not feel worthy to be happy. You do not feel worthy to have a husband who loves you. Can I make a guess and say that the men that raped and molested you were never punished and most likely have never apologized to you for what they did to you? Am I right? Would you feel different if they had been punished? Do they still have contact with you? Do you ever fear that someone may molest your children and wonder how you will respond?Get yourself to the hospital even if you have to walk into the emergency room. You are Detached and cannot control your behavior. You do not have to tell your husband anything at this time and the doctors and psychiatists cannot tell him anything with out your consent. I suggest that you get yourself established with a doctor and in a treatment plan before you tell him anything. A support group of women that have gone through what you have is really good too. It works for alcoholics, it can work for you. They do have medication that can calm down the part of your brain that craves the adrenaline, endorphenes, and other hormones that are obviously imbalanced in your system. Someone mentioned Bi-Polar disorder but that has become a catch all and everyone is watching commericals on TV and beginning to think that everyone has it. It is more likely Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome or Multiple Personality Disorder or like I said, some kind of Disassociative Disorder. What that means is, you dis-associate with the part of your brain that knows that you are a compulsive liar, you take part in compulsive sexual behavior, and you may have other compulsions that you did not mention here like eating, smoking, drinking, etc. Then you come back to that person that does know better and you feel sorry about what you did. But you keep doing it. Some people have it so bad that they name their alter ego or split personality. But it makes sense when a small child or young girl is being forced or coerced to perform sex acts that they shut off their minds. They go, "outside" of themselves. They run away and hide in their minds. They have to detach to survive the event. Then they have to detach and kiss their mother goodbye. They have to detach in order to go to school and not look like the girl who did something that she knows was bad or dirty but could not stop the person that did it to her.Above all, get to know God as Father. Learn God's word and write it on your heart. Ask Him to forgive you for your sins. Ask Him to restore the virginity that was stolen from you. Ask Him to give you back your broken wedding vows and make them whole again. Ask Him to help you to become the wife that you wanted to be and the mother that your children need you to be. And Believe that He can. Do it for your self and Do it Now.In the end, your husband can leave you. Children grow up and leave to live their own lives. The only person that Has to Be with you is You. Do it for You. God bless you and good luck.