How to deal w/ selfish spouse?

[SNFervor4Ever]

I love my husband very much, but after we got married, all his romance, and caring tendencies flew right out the window. I kept trying to get them back, but now I realize he is a spoiled child down to the core. It was made clear after I had a physical therapy appt for a pinched nerve in my neck, and I asked him to help w/ our sons project while I was gone. Not only did he not help, he didnt feed out 15 month old daughter, either. So, I had to help w/ project, feed and clean up, all the while he's complaining about how exhausted he is because he was up until 4 am playing online gaming w/ our neighbors. He even had the audacity to ask me to get him things! He used to not be like this at all! I feel cheated, like I married an imposter. Leaving him is out of the question, b/c I do love him, and he has other really good qualities, and I believe in time he'll change (we have had open diologue and he agrees about the selfish bit and seems sorry, but cant seem to get it right)what do I do?I really need like a guide plan on how to get him to realize his selfish behavior is destroying our bond. plz help!

[dlcm1979]

you really should see a marriage counseler by yourself, they will help you to deal with this.

[Ca7910]

Is he depressed? Maybe you need to start acting the way he acts and see if he notices. Show him how it feels to be on the other end of the selfish behavior.

[jj2021]

Well after your married for awhile a persons true self comes out. He is the way he is and may never change. A lot of men never growth up.

[DenisB3451]

Put your foot down on this behavior, don't let this continue one more day. You are the one who is enabling him to exist like this, tell him to get off his lazy butt and help out with the family responsibilities, and get off that damn computer.

[bigmom]

Talk with him about the problem. Let him know your concerns, don't "blame" him, but let him know that you are needing help with ______ and that you would like for the two of you to spent more quality time together. Sometimes if a woman does her own thing (spend time alone away from him, take up your own hobby) he will realize that you aren't there and will be compelled to want to spend time with you. Is he behaving the same way he saw his father behave? You might want to point out that times have changed and your relationship requires a different way of doing things. Good luck and God bless.

[pf]

worry about you and your kids. Stop doing anything for him for a while and mabye he will realize all that you do and make some effort in helping out.

[elvlayarvvi8681]

sounds like my brother, his wife ended up leaving him, partly because of all the time he spent on the computer... hmmm... basically, your hubby has to limit his time on the PC! if he does not limit it, pull the plug =)

[mt75689]

I think it's great that you have faith in your husband's ability to change, but that change is not going to happen by itself.You are going to need help with this, and you are going to need more help than anyone here at Yahoo Answers can give you. There are a lot of factors within a relationship problem that only a trained professional will be able to deal with --- like the fact that you may be enabling your husband in his selfishness...

[myleslr6180]

Put a piece of paper up on the fridge, and put a cross on it every time he is selfish, and come up with some sort of penalty, like no video games for a week.He is acting like a child, so treat him like one.Otherwise send him to marriage counselling. Also, just stop doing things for him, like if he asks for something unreasonable just say 'No it's ok, I know you can do that yourself.' and DON'T do what he asks. He only acts that way because you let him get away with it. He knows you will always clean up after him, so don't.BTW, if he EVER neglects your daughter by not feeding her EVER AGAIN fucking LEAVE HIM. How could he do that to an innocent child?? Tell him that it is neglect, which it IS, and that you won't tolerate it. Seriously, not feeding a hungry baby! How could he?

[flagger_guy3675]

Learn this one truth.You cannot change a person only their behavior.Sit him down and point out how truly selfish his behavior appears to you. Make him explain how he views it fair to the family to stay out all night and neglect to feed the children. There will be no good explanation so put it on him to explain his behavior.Avoid calling names like selfish. It puts the defenses up and does not address the issue. he needs to modify his behavior if he is continue in his marriage. Put it in terms of specificbehavior which needs changed. Ask him to justify his actions. When he can't, using some acceptable logic, then you will be able to ask for a change.Conflict resolution starts with taking personal terms like selfish and spoiled child out of the mix. Keep your discussions on specific behaviors which need to be modified.

[Choqs]

If he realizes, like you say, that he is selfish and is sorry then tell him to act upon that. It is one thing to acknowledge selfishness but if he is doing nothing to change, I see little hope. Mine lives in a world that encompasses no more than his personal wants and desires. Even when his Mom was dying all he could think about was how it would affect him. He hardly visited her because it upset HIM. He was in his late forties at the time, talk about sad.I think counselling might help, it sounds like he is really immature. No mature, responsible adult doesn't feed his child. He needs to understand the the world does not revolve around him. As his wife, I seriously doubt he will listen to you. A counsellor might have better luck getting through to him.

[JadeyOz4105]

Its really quite simple , disconnect your internet for 6 months if he need's it for work he can work at work to use it , pack away all his little boy gaming devices and stop mothering him , make him get his own chit and you just look after you and the kid's show him what selfish is if that dont wake him up .Love is NOT the glue that keep's a marriage together , it wont make your world keep spinning normally and it wont get the kid's the father he agreed to be when he implanted them in your womb. Dont let your heart misguide you into a false sense of security because you couldnt even list his good qualities so I think you should stop fooling yourself , the imposter isnt changing he's staying.its reality chick deal with it or live with it your choice.

[AhmedE]

vcnbcgh