Marred 10 yrs. worked hard long hrs. but yelled one to many times, now wife does not want to be intimate, help

[dfsingle009]

Married 10 yrs. I always tried to work hard and make extra money, but my wife, like all wives, would rather have thier husbands home with them. We drifted apart intimately in the past 2-3 yrs due mostly to my verbal outlashings (never ever physical) when I could not handle the stress. I am currently working on making every day for her like in the first few yrs. of marriage. What I mean is, I am asking myself, am I putting her before everything else like I used to. Not that I did't, I thought working hard and doing things for her was, but she wanted me home, that more than material things. But now she has a loss of intimacy. I want to hold her, touch her, caress her, smell her, taste her, and make love to her. She will have sex with me but says she just cant make love to me, I am holding off (very difficult). She says she built a wall, I thought maybe she was unfaithful. I was wrong. I am no longer angry or verbal. We love each other I know. It will take time I guess. Help

[aerostar93]

CHEAT ON HER THEN.

[slopoke6968]

communication is always keytalk to her

[Kooziethechemist]

Thats hurtful. I can't offer any advice, it sounds like you've got a good plan, and all i can say is that I hope it turns out okay.

[trysh_mc]

You two may want to try counseling or maybe a vacation. Sounds like you need some time to reconnect.

[belle]

I think you answered your own question. Time.

[JillaryvonHmsterviel]

wanna have an affair

[LibbyI]

Try asking her out on a date and do all the things you remember doing when you were first dating.

[tearsofthemoon00]

It takes several days to make up for every bad day.

[AUNTYEM]

Well, I admire the way you have dealt with things for one. Not many men have the insight to see what you see and take corrective action. It will take some time for your wife to learn to trust you emotionally again as your yelling probably took its toll over the years. She doesn't quite trust the 'new you' and is wondering how long it will last before she gives herself up to you again. I think you are right when you say its all about time. Keep up the good work and now and again, just ask for a cuddle but keep it clean...stroke her back if she will let you or tickle her a little when you get the chance. These are intimate gestures which are tentative and suggest that you don't know what the reaction will be...this is good as it gives your wife a chance to develop her own thoughts on how she would like to react. In the end, her love will shine through. You are making progress!

[Annouyed]

hang in there

[CorrineB3759]

Yeah that's hard. After years of damage, it takes a long time to repair. Thats a start that you are wanting to make things better. I have a feeling she'll come around. Just keep making her feel special.

[luisamapacha]

You didn't yell "one too many times." You yelled dozens or hundreds too many times. The big problem here is that you seem to think that with a quick "Oops sorry" things will be back to normal. You also seem to be blaming her for your stress, and this is wrong. You have to rebuild your relationship with her step by step. Actions will prove you have changed, not words. This will take time, so be patient. Start courting her again like before you were married. Get dressed up, take her out, treat her like a princess. Don't go overboard - be honest and sincere. Keep your cool and show her you are dedicated to a long-term solution.

[LorraineB]

It sounds to me that you love her very much and are trying to make things right. Be patient, don't stop trying to reach out. But it will take time. Perhaps you need to plan a weekend getaway and rekindle the romance. She'll come around! Good luck.

[doglover]

Every time you have yelled at your wife she has remembered every single incident. Every last one of them. Why don't you start by saying you're sorry (10,000 times) and get some counselling. You go first by yourself, then she can go by herself, and then you both go together. You will know by then whether there is anything left to save. Oh and by the way, your wife is NOT being unfaithful. After being married to a guy like you I doubt very strongly that getting another husband is very high on her list!

[smileyone]

She's hurting, and has the wall up to protect herself......when she lets the wall down, she will make love to you again, with all the emotions and feelings.Keep communicating with her, keep telling her you love her, and so on... with time she will let her guard down.....

[profsparro]

Just a suggestion...You need to ensure that your wife knows she is more important to you than ANYTHING. That includes work. If work is causing you so much stress that you are verbally abusive to your wife, it's time to find another job. You've been taking her for granted and her "love tank" is empty. If you don't fill it she'll find another way to fill it. I suggest you purchase a book called "The Five Love Languages." I promise it will help you. The principles in that book have saved more marriages than can be counted. If you want a little more detailed info about the love languages, e-mail me. The book is available on-line and in most book stores, particularly bible book stores.If you want a more immediate response with your wife, I have another suggestion that WILL work. This may sound strange, but it's biblical. Obtain a container large enough to put both of her feet in. Fill it with warm water, get one of those "sea sponges" and wash your wife's feet with a nicely scented soap. Then massage her feet with some foot lotion from "Bath and Body Works," or one of those other "feminine soap stores." Do this daily for at LEAST 2 weeks. All women (men too) love to have their feet massaged. But part of this is humbling yourself, which is hard for men to do. When you do it with her she'll know how important she is to you. You'll be serving her in a very real way. The other side of this is that you'll be making time just for her, and you will be able to spend time asking about her day, telling a little bit (a very little bit) about yours. Remember this is her time to feel important.

[tillermantony]

IF WE WANT TO CHANGE ANYTHING AT ALL IN OUR LIVES THE FIRST THING WE MUST CHANGE IS OUR OWN "ATTITUDE" TOWARDS IT.THE YELLING MUST STOP