should i confront her about my husband?

[sweet-innocence]

Thanks to those that answered my previous question. Should i confront this girl that my husband is talking to for hours and causing so much trouble in my home? I've been with my husband for 15yrs and he's proven to be unfaithful. I'm still with him 'cos of two children and that i love him to bits.This current 'worry' amongst numerous others he sends flirty text msgs to is a friend from church. I've told him over and over again how uncomfortable i am with him talking to her for hours WHEN HE IS AWAY FROM HOME!. I don't want it to be a church issue but i'm going nowhere with him. Should i tell this girl who tells me how 'lucky' i am to have my husband to back off? This is eating away the happiness in my home. Please help, and how do i go about it? Sorry its long, but i am desperate. She's pretty (so am i) but she's very single and lonely, keeps saying 'she's cold'

[ShaylaReznor]

Definitely confront her.

[Royalhinney5609]

I'm sorry, but I just have to wonder why it's the girls fault and why you feel the need to confront her. Your husband is at fault. He could just as easily tell her to back off, but he chooses not to. From what you said about him being unfaithful and you accepting it, he probably feels like he can get away with it. I would confront my husband, not the other woman. And then I would pack his stuff for him.

[outbackbob8]

I think Hubby is the one you have to talk to here. He's the one who needs to stop finding the time for her.

[free_angel0879]

You need to confront him!!!!!

[Birdbstiles10]

Of course you need to tell her that its hurting you. if you get no where with this contact the pastor at your church. If your pastor is a good one, he can nip things in the bud quietly without putting everyone's nose outta joint

[boxofrain1794]

You should not confront her. Confront yourself. Why are you letting your husband treat you this way? Don't you know that you deserve better?You can only deal with and solve your own problems, not anyone else's problems.Good luck. I will pray for you.

[blueeyes]

Unfortuanetly, the problem lies with your husband and not the other girl. You could talk to her and she may back off, but what is going to keep him from finding someone else to talk to and text message? You have asked him to stop because you are uncomfortable and he hasn't. He is disrespecting you and showing you that he doesn't care how this is affecting you. Even if you talk to the other girl, she may not stop talking to him either. It's worth a shot though, because she has to know that you will fight for your man.

[Marcie9498]

This is between you and your husband. You say he has a history of being unfaithful.... HELLO?! Your marital problems are of no business to this woman.It's not her responsibility to make your husband behave.

[LadyM]

read her the ten commandements, literally. After that, tell her how you feel, if she makes excuses, don't bother to say anything back, just smile and walk straight to the church pray for her soul, yours, then get a good lawyer and divorce your husband, your husband is eating away the happiness in your life, he just happens to live at home with you. don't settle for less, if you want to keep on experiencing this until the day you die, put up with it, but if you want to live while you are still alive, get rid of him... goodluck..

[BreakingHeart]

Absolutely you need to confront her and tell her what her place is. She nor he apparently have you in their best interest otherwise he would take your feelings into consideration and end this now. You need to stand your ground before this goes any further and you get hurt worse. If he has proven to be unfaithful before then that to me gives you the right to confront her and him about this situation and tell him it needs to end. There is no reason that a married man should overstep his vows to create such a relationship with another women. He is cheating on you, it may not be physical yet, however, he is sharing with this women what he should be sharing with you. Being an unfaithful man you loose your priveledges of being just friends with other women because you apparently can't control yourself and keep it as just friends. However, be prepared for whatever may come about with you confronting her about the situation. But you deserve alot more than what he is giving you. Best of luck to you.

[lillyl]

Time for you to dump him ... he is in love with her and he doesn't even know it ... She is in love with him too so ...gather your thoughts and realize its over with him.... Get your family together ... be civil and go ... Kick him out or let him have his kids . Do all the things you wanted to do ... His heart isn't into you anymore ...sad but true!! Time for a change ... It will be no great loss to you just a stress reliever.... He cannot fix what he has broken.... You no longer give him what he needs!!

[anna_90242]

I would have a little talk with her. Let her know she is not the first girl your husband tries to seduce and probably won't be the last and he has never taken the other women seriously. They are just play things to him because he comes back to you. Let her know it straight like that. Maybe that will duscourage her from having fantasies about him being this perfect wonderful man. But do not put your self to a lower level. Don't threaten her. Just tell her you wanted to let her know because you would hate to have her reputation ruined all over church and people talking bad about her. You have to fight for your family but only in a way that will not harm your kids or get too out of control. I hope it works out.

[RStafford]

Definitely-Don't lose your husband to this girl.It's up to you. The girl who gets to him first WINS.DON'T LET GO.

[RastaGal]

CONFRONT YOUR HUSBAND. he is the one who is making your home unhappy and permitting someone else to cause you heartache. He is the one who made promises to you not some other woman. If he was a good man, he would go above and beyond to spare you any kind of heartache.

[yellowcoatscareme]

if he's been unfaithful already, then she can't be trouble, HE'S THE TROUBLE. it's not her, it's HIM, how plainly can i say that!the trouble in your marriage is not this other woman, it's your cheating & lying husband.you love him to bits....well, sorry, he doesnt seem to feel the same way or he wouldnt be treating you like crap.i know it's hard, but this man will continue lying to you and you'll focus your energy on him when you should be focusing it on the children. the children WILL figure it out. no doubt about it. good luck.

[PoliticallyOutraged]

I think you need to face the hard reality that your husband is never going to change. You have said he has proven to be unfaithful. It does not look like he plans to become faithful anytime soon. As much as it hurts you are going to need to leave. You and your children deserve better than what you are getting. And if not for your sake, you should leave for the sake of your children. If you have a son, he is learning that this is acceptable behavior, and is likely to grow up and treat women the same way he sees his father treat you. If you have a girl, she is learning that it is acceptable to be treated that way. She looks to you to see how men should treat her, and right now you are showing her that a man can do whatever he wants and she will just have to suck it up.

[mybudnoobs]

I'm sorry your going through this. I don't know what your question was before, [I don't get on the computer much, kids, lol} but I would ask him what his problem is with you, {you did not state your age in this note} I would tell him he needs to stop what hes doing , or your out, no hes out!!! Hes out, you have done nothing. If he really loves you and wants to make it work, he will try!! Good Luck!!

[drewxjacobs]

You should tell this adulterous church friend of yours that you are not lucky to have him because he is a cheat. He has cheated on you before, it sounds like he is cheating again, and I'm wondering how you could "love him to bits" when he is making a mockery of you and your marriage.This ho that he talks to for hours on end and is causing so much unhappiness in your home is not the only guilty party. Save some of that wrath for that loser you call a husband.

[kip]

It sounds like they both would cheat in an instant. Husbands who are ethical, moral, religious etc. would not even think about doing that with another woman, especially someone in church. I feel bad for you. He doesn't really sound like a good man, and I say that from my own personal experience with someone with that nature. You love him but he obviously is not worthy of real love or his ownwife and family who are suffering because of his selfish acts. If you know what you say to be true, then sure, confront her. But plan what you intend to say and say it with panache and without anger - don't let her get the upper hand - but gracefully make her feel like the skank she appears to be. All the best to you.

[cylenneh]

you dont need to just tell her to back off but you need to tell her to back the hell off!

[pussycat2429]

Don't think she would really care much, so why waste your breath on her? He is the one who is sending the messages. It is obvious he doesn't care how it makes you feel. How would he feel if you did the same thing in sending 'flirty' text messages to men? Perhaps the pastor of your church needs to do a sermon that addresses all kinds of infidelity; both he and she may get the message then.

[ColleenO]

And what about your husband? If he is seeing this other woman he is as much at fault as she is. Obviously his marriage and family doesn't mean as much to him as it does to you and you have no right blaming HER for all of it if he chooses to continue. No you should NOT confront her. You need to decide what it is you are going to do about a husband who doesn't give a damn about you or his children.

[HTownGirl]

I had a similar situation so I hope this helps. I don't know what state you live in but in the state of NC their is a law titled Alienation of Affection which simply means a third person engaging in conduct that damages a marriage. On August 20, 2001 a jury awarded a $36,000 verdict to a Rowan County man in a Alienation of Affection and criminal conversation case. After doing my research and talking to a family member who just happens to be an assistant district attorney I called the young lady who my husband couldn't seem to talk to when he was at home but he would always manage to have 2 and 3 hour cell phone conversations while he was working. When I called her she was shocked because she thought it was him. I told her if I seen her cell number on anymore of my bills that I would take things to another level and if she is as smart as she thinks she is then she should know about the law I mentioned above. I told her if she didn't she better get a good attorney because she would definitely need one if it happened again. Needless to say after chewing her out she apologized and she hasn't contacted him since and as for my husband lets just say that he now believes in the phrase ITS CHEAPER TO KEEP HER...lol..because I informed him that if he kept up the little antics with the phone I would make sure that he didn't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of when we went to divorce court and my lawyer sent him a nice letter informing him of what I was capable of getting if I chose to take matters futher. We've been together 16 years and the only other woman he calls on any phone is our daughter...lol. So my advice to you is check the laws in your state and let Little Miss Missy know that if she's that lonely get a dog if she 's cold get a heating blanket there on sale at Walmart all day long for singles $29.99 but if she keeps up the phone antics with your husband she is gonna let her mouth write a check her as..... can't cash.

[pleaseaskm]

sorry honey don't waste your time, you do not want to be second best, and that is how your husband is treating you, this girl will only tell you what she believes you want to hear, she will not tell you the truth, make the break and find somebody who will treat you with the respect you deserve,

[MrsBeckett]

Why would you confront the girl? Your husband is the one that needs to tell her to back off. He obviously likes the attetion. You need to talk to him. If he still talks to the other woman then you need to do some soul searching and figure out whats more important to you. Your children and sanity? or an unfaithful husband. Did you ever think to ask him if there is something that you are NOT doing in the relationship to make him look elsewhere? People really need to stop blaming the cheater and take a long hard look at themselves. I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just saying that the one being cheated on might be making the cheater miserable.1. Are you a nag?2. Are you frigid? There are so many things you need to ask yourself.

[junebug]

Do I understand you????? Your husband is talking to some other woman for hours, and you wander if you should confront her? No, because obviously your husband is probably going to protect her, and get angry with you. You need to confront your husband. Does he talk to you for hours?? If he is a church man..? then he will understand that he is to lead you, and protect you, and be a man. You go to him and tell him , that it is disrespectful to include another woman into his life,and share intimate details about the Union he and you have together. It's betrayal. You need to tell him, that you want it to stop. You tell him, that he would not like it if you talked to some hot little stud. Put the other shoe on the other foot. I would watch this guy like a hawk, right now. I smell a rotten animal.... good luck