Forgive and forget?

[Jewel]

As I've said before a couple times, I think that my husband is cheating on me, and I don't know what's going to happen when I confront him. Sometimes I think that I can forgive him (if he wants to stay together) and everything will be fine, but I know that it's going to be much harder than that. It's just wishful thinking. Has anybody ever forgiven a cheating spouse? What did you have to do to make the relationship healthy again?

[SerenBaker]

First of all, you can forgive without forgetting. It's stupid to forget, but you don't have to dwell on it every waking moment. As for forgiving, yes, I did that the first couple of times he cheated, and then it got to the point where I said, "We're not doing this anymore. Get out." (more or less)

It takes counselling, deep thinking, soul-searching and looking at what you BOTH really and truly want out of life. And it takes honesty from both of you.

[Jewel]

I think counseling sounds like a good idea for me, but I don't know that my husband will be up to it. He's not really a man to share his emotions and reasons for doing certain actions.

I've never had to forgive anyone for cheating, because he was my first "real" boyfriend. The fact that I've never been with anyone else makes the process that much harder, because he is all I know. This makes it that much easier to just forgive him for everything.

[starshimmer]

Early on in our marriage, my husband had a one night stand. I know that the woman didn't mean anything to him, but still, it was a very hurtful thing to get through. Luckily, my husband felt very bad, very remorseful, and did everything he could to show he was sorry it ever happened. That made it easier to forgive him, but, like SereBaker said, forgetting is something you hardly ever do.

Although it does get easier with time. I guess I'm saying, Jewell, is that if you believe you have a good marriage despite this rough time in your lives, then it may well be worthwhile for you two to fight for your marriage. Having a life together is filled with heartaches and sorrows as well as laughter and joy. I guess it's a matter of choosing to work through the first to get th rough the latter. But only if you feel it's worth what you have.

[jessi_rubin]

Well, I think that even if you forgive your spouse still some time down you may end up on the crossroad where this decision comes back to you and you are made to think whether that decision of your was justified. a broken rope although can be joined together by tyoinf a knot, but a knot in betwen the ends always remains.

[BRANDY1982]

Omg! I Have Forgave A Chaeting Spouse You Just Have To Forgive And Forget Kind Of.... I Think I Just Realized No One Is Perfect People Make Mistakes And If You Are Woman Or Man Enough To Say Hey I Messed Up And Give Me Another Chance Then You Deserve One.

[alexis]

I can always forgive, but I will never forget. My cheater was my "first" of alot of things, so going hand in hand, will never be forgotten.

[heartbroken]

Hi, I've been married to my husband for almost 17 years, we have 2 beautiful daughters together, and on January 12th of this year he told me that on Decenber 20th of last year he cheated on me, , and yes I've forgiven him, and we went to counceling, but I will never forget, their has not been 1 day that I have'nt thought about it, its been almost 9 months since he told me, and I still have bad days, we don't ever discuss it, thats what the councelor told us, but I still do not trust him, I hate that I can't trust him, the thing I hate the most is he has always been my best friend, the one person in this world that was always their for me, and would always make me feel better if something was wrong, I have never been so hurt in my life, and I can't go to him because he's the one who hurt me, he really has no clue what he has done to me, I'm so shocked that he could do that, My life has changed so much, I've changed so much and not for the better, I hate everyone, I trust NO ONE!! I use to be happy go lucky my whole life, but not anymore I just don't care about things like I use to and I never put my guard down, I'm always on edge, I can't sleep more then 2 hours at night, I'm always having nightmares, and I don't know this girl so that makes it worse, every pretty woman I see I am a bitch to, because I'm always wondering "Is that her" my whole life has changed, and I am giving him another chance, but only one, I will never put myself through this again, but now I wonder all the time, how many other times has he done this that I don't know about??

[twiceshy]

I forgave two years ago, and I thought we were moving forward. We got therapy, I really thought we were past it. I found out a month ago that he did it again, this time with my best friend. I don't know what to do either....