Getting Out

[SerenBaker]

I was in a unique position where I was the breadwinner, so when I finally decided that there was no saving our marriage of 19 years, I was able to tell him to get his ass out of the house. Before I did that, though, I called the bank, transferred everything that was in our joint accounts into an account with my name only on it, cancelled our Mastercards and got a new one in my name only, called the phone company and cancelled the calling cards, and made it impossible for him to access the money I needed to pay the bills and take care of our kids. He wasn't happy and when he told me I had cut off his access to "OUR money" I asked him where the money had come from and what the heck had he done to contribute to it.

I know not everyone has these options, but surely some of them are open to you. If you can take money from a joint account, open a new one to give you something to fall back on if you have to leave the family home. Look at your employment options and even consider welfare if you have to. There's no point in staying where things are going to get steadily worse.

[Jewel]

This is a good post. I really think that women, if they have the choice, should become as independent as possible. This would make the transition much easier, as well as allow you to be more open to the idea of divorce should the situation arise. My husband and I both work, and I make just a bit more than him. Also, we each have our own accounts.

[betrayed]

:( i haven't been feeling good.i don't leave my room.it goes days at a time. i don't know why. i want to get out and have fun, but nothing seems to make happy. i still live with his cruelty in my mind.i still go to sleep with him and wake up with him even though he has been gone for two years.when i sleep it's just nightmares. i pray for peace. i have not one friend or anyone to talk to. i forgot how to live. i want to, i just forgot. he took up so much of my life, that when he just took off i looked around and realized i didn't have one of my own. he sucked the life right out of me and stole my personality and left me his. i was always happy (before him). he was always depressed.

[SerenBaker]

Good for you, Jewel. It's vital for a woman to have some independence, and even if it means squirrelling away a dollar her and a dollar there, and sneaking out to create her own bank account, she should do it. If she's in a good relationship, the hidden money can be used for treats for the family, and if it's going bad, she's got something to fall back on.

[jessi_rubin]

Its good that you are independent. And if he was playing around with your money with someone else, then you have done quite good by stopping him to access your hard accumulated funds. I think this should serve as lesson to the other people who really dont care about their partners' emotions and hardwork.