I'm in a fog

[Scared]

Okay, so I have read many posts and disovered that most cheaters lie about their cheating. That is where we are. I have told my husband I know, told him what I found, and he just lied about it. He said he won't explain himself, and he does not care how I feel. I asked him to get marriage counseling with me, and he said no because he is not the one with the problem. So, is this the end? Is the next step divorce? Like some of you, I am totally economically dependent on him, and I have young children. I just can't imagine getting a divorce, but I can't imagine staying in this ridiculous situation either. He is also controlling, angry, bad tempered (has never hit me, but if I try to leave, will he?). I am in a fog!!!

[SerenBaker]

You can go to counselling on your own and get advice. If you can't afford a counsellor, go to your minister or priest and ask for help and advice.

[savannah]

Hi scared. I am so sorry you are going through this. You must feel so lost, with nobody to depend on. SerenBaker has a good idea, counseling would be help you. I wonder if you can find someone to keep the kids for you if you go, or if you can get the money to go on?

Sometimes abusive men, and he is abusive, Scared, even if he doens't hit you physically, will control their spouses by keeping the money and any other decisions out of their hands.

Do you have anybody you trust that you can talk to? Somebody who won't be ready to judge you or him, or won't turn against you if you can work it out with your husband after you've told them all your secrets?

It does sound like your husband has a few secrets of his own, Scared. Not knowing your financial situation, or if you have anybody close to you that can help you, it's hard to know how to offer any suggestions.

I would start looking for a job, even part time. Get as many financial papers together as you can, so that you know exactly what is coming into the house to live on. Try to stay up on the phone bills and the credit card bills.

The more you know, the more you can protect yourself. Stay in touch.

[jessi_rubin]

I feel so bad for you. I mean how could he do that to you. Try to become independant so that you can live without his support. Indeed this relation is going to fall off after sometime so better gear up yourself for it.