Help Me !!

[Christi]

I need to figure out how to get over my ex husband. It is very new 3 month seperation and we have a four year old daughter. We had a couple that was really my bestfriend and her long time boyfriend. Well to make a long story short. They (my bestfriend) convinced me that I needed to leave him, then after 2 months he moved onto there couch. He goes places with her only and she barely calls me anymore except when her boyfriend and my ex arent around. Now to make things even worse everybody is telling me they think the 2 of them are messing around. I seen a very late night telephone call between them that lasted 2 hours and they told me it was because he needed to talk to her about me...huh..so you call my bestfriend..weird! I don‘t want to believe they are but it just all seems so weird. Why is he even wanting to stay on there couch and why is she allowing it? She says they are just friends but why do I have this gut feeling down in my stomache that they are not. I don‘t think it is physical but more emotional between them..and her boyfriend is living there 2 and is ALWAYS working. So why is he there with her only. I cannot stop thinking about it and it is driving me crazy. So I cut mine and her relationship off and said some pretty nasty things to him. And to top it off he is being a bad father to our daughter. Never calls and has her barely one day of the week when he is right down the street.. So now I‘ve got no husband, no friends and I feel so alone..

How could he just give up on us? Is this really the end? And why would I want it not to be....HELP!!!

[Pantera]

Christi,
That sounds pretty similar to my situation a few years ago. Since he is now your EX. Live for yourself and your daughter. I know you are hurt, scared, alone, etc...but time will cure those pains. Try and be positive in front of your daughter. If he wants to be the jerk, let him. You just remain positive and solid for her. I made the mistake of really taking my anger out on my EX in front of my children. They were (I thought) the only ones I could talk to when I needed to vent. I forgot one little thing....he is their Dad. They love him. Regardless of what he has done to me, they love their Dad. Never talk to your EX through your children. Its been a few years now and I'm seeing the repercussions of that mistake. Hang in there Christi!

[Jewel]

I agree about not talking to your ex husband through your children. My parents were divorced from the time I was five years old, and they always insulted the other parent in front of me. I still remember every word they said about eachother. The things said to children are things that they most definitely will never forget.

[Gohar]

Take it one day at a time. Right now its hard because that person who has been around you for years is no longer there. I think there is a reason why these things happen. Have faith that it is because the REAL Mr. Right is out there for you.

[starshimmer]

well, I think you did the right thing by ending the friendship with your "best friend". She doesn't sound much like a best friend, does she? I mean friends don't stab you in the back.

And she has certainly done that. I'm glad that you are becoming more discerning about choosing people to trust.

As for your husband, he does sound very immature. You can't make him be a good father, but you can make sure he helps take care of your child. Is he paying support and helping you with the bills?

If he isn't, you need to take steps to protect yourself and your child. You can't make him love you, that's true enough, but you can sure make him respect you. And he certainly hasn't been doing that lately, has he?

I also agree never to talk bad about your child's father to her. It's likely that things will resolve themselves one way or the other sometime soon, and children never forget things like that. So if you want the two of them to have any kind of relationship in the future, be careful of what you say to her now.

Try not to "keep up" so much with him. Cultivate another life, new friends, and let him worry about you for awhile.

[nolongerafool]

I think our instincts are generally correct. Please don't think if your suspicions are correct you deserve this double betrayal, you are worth so much more than the two of them combined. (Did you ever see the movie Hope Floats, maybe you will meet someone as cute as Harry Connick-not sure how to spell jr, who is nice) I really can understand how you feel, it is such a lonely and sad feeling. You feel very alone now, but you will meet new people. I think it took alot of strength for you to confront your former best friend and your ex-husband. Don't forget how lucky you are to have a little girl that loves you. There may be some non-threatening single parent support groups and divorce groups, that you could consider going to, some even have childcare etc. I wish you the absolute best.