should i stay with my husband?

[Melody]

i just found out that he's been having an affair online and from what he tells me, it was only e-mailing and that he never even meet her and from what i saw it seems that he's telling me the truth but how can i know if he's just not lieing to me. should i give him a chance to make it up to me. i really love him with all my heart and i know he dose to, but i just dont know if i could trust him anymore. im so confused. what should i do?

[Benson3839]

forgive and move on.

[minno]

Heck...Its on-line. We all know how things are on the internet. Is he really talking to a woman? or is it someone who wants him to think he is? So your husband was talking to someone. Did he have a physical encounter. Think long and hard before you throw it all away.

[celine8158]

Forgive him.. As you said, he never meet her and he's just e-mailing..

[TauriAthena]

Melody,If you really do love him, and he loves you. Then you have to trust him.I'm not saying he's innocent, but there can be no love without trust. I'm not sure what your definition of an affair on line is. If he has not met her, and they are exchanging e-mails, then it may be he is looking for excitement. Ask him what he finds appealing about this cyber relationship. Ask him what he hopes to gain from exchanging words and / or pictures with another woman. You really do need to yank him away from the computer screen for a little while and talk to him. I'm sure it will be a challenge, but COMMUNICATION is the key to marriage.Good Luck

[Fergy5449]

Let it go. It's not an affair if he never even seen this girl and it's only on the internet. That's alot better than in real life right? If it seems that he is telling the truth then it probably is the truth. Get over it and move on.

[Nicety]

Give him the benefit oft he doubt. Give him another chance. Men are always bound to mess up again. They don't handle there affairs without being sloppy. Monitor him, but don't let on that you are doing so. Make him beg for your love and forgiveness. Make him understand that he messed up and what he is missing out on. Remember, where there is one that won't, there is one that will. Find out what made him cheat online and what the other woman is talking about that you are not. Recapture his attention and give him sweet passionate love. He will regret his mistake and either treasure you or be a fool and continue to cheat.

[TesseMalou6180]

Figure out if you can put up with him being in love with another girl while still sleeping with you yet imagining he's doing it with her. Tricky situation. Maybe you should conquer him again, seduce him so he'll forget the other one.Tricky, i feel for you. You're the only one to decide though. Do this: Make a table; on the left put what you'll lose if you leave him and on the right, what you'll gain. Put also what you like and dislike. This might help see through clearly.Good luck puzzled and distressed Lady!

[autumn3522]

first of all take a deep breath ... and remember this is the internet .. its an escape from reality for some ... you might feel disappointed in your husband right now ... thing you have to remember is he hasnt met her ... and probably never would have met her .. maybe he just liked being flirted with or being told he was attractive and he let it go farther than he should have... maybe its time you and he went on a mini vacation or take a weekend and go somewhere .. no computer ..no internet just you and him and get back to where you once were with each other ... if you love him ...maybe its time to give him another chance to prove he knows he made a mistake ..and hurt you by his online flirting ... good luck.

[RebekkaF]

Honestly,I dont think I would stay with him. First of all, you "found out", he wasnt honest and told you what was going on.Secondly, it wasnt a sexual pure lust affair. This was an emotional affair. And they are just as hurtful if not more. And I doubt it was only through email, with all the instant messengers and chat rooms, it has to be more then email. And you do not know if webcam or voice was exchanged, or even if it went sexual.I would not accept it. If you really do love him. I would move out for a few weeks or ask him to leave. Just so he learns his lesson, or see if he continues it.I think its unacceptable, and a form of cheating, Im sorry I know your hurting so much :(

[seahorse]

Show him the door Baby! If he isn't phyically cheating now, just give him time. Trust me. Don't get all worked up over it and let him know exactly how you feel. If he loves you enough, then he'll work with you. If he argues and fusses over it, then read the writing on the wall. Good Luck.

[cindra0509]

No trust, no healthy relationship. He's a married man engaging in deceptive behaviors on line. How is he going to make it up to you? Is he going to allow you to get rid of the computer altogether?

[joyhamil443768]

He will have to earn your trust and that will take time. He needs to stop contact with this other woman. Sorry, no more 'friendship'. Even if he didn't get to meet this other woman, he was crossing the line and betraying your trust. He was crossing the line and taking a big risk. Things like that tend to get out of hand quickly. Take things slowly. Keep your eyes open. Find a counselor certified in couples counseling and insist he go. You don't have to make a decision right away. ResourcesA few good books: "Not Just Friends" by S. Glass “Surviving an affair” by Dr. W. Harley“After the Affair” by SpringsA yahoo group that has many helpful articles and links in FILES. Not a good support board, not very active. But, loads of stuff in files. Simple to join. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AffairsTalk/ A few other helpful sites: http://www.dearpeggy.com/ http://marriagebuilders.com/ http://betrayedspouse101.tripod.com/ http://www.beyondaffairs.com/ http://peterfox.com.au/index.html A few good support forums for those dealing with infidelity. Lots of helpful people who have been through this trauma. http://www.lifesaviors.com/SI/http://survivinginfidelity.com/An ebook written for the wayward spouse to help them understand what they need to do to rebuild from the damage they created: http://www.aftertheaffair.net/Some marriage weekend programs:http://www.retrouvaille.org/http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi011_dates.html

[after34yrs]

YES, stay with him. EVERYONE sometimes needs reassurance of their attractiveness. I feel that if there is no physical encounter, there is no affair. Have you ever looked at a hot body passing you in the mall? Your human, look but don't touch...... the pain of divorce is unbearable.