The signs were all there

[britjojo]

I was totally blind to his antics. He'd not come home some nights, and sometimes not come home till 3 or 4am from starting work at 7am the previous day. He was always broke, despite making a 100k per year. He was secretive about his computing and his money and never let me have any say in or knowledge of our financial affairs. From the time I left work, pregnant, I had no money till the baby was two months old. He bought nothing for her, and I was at my wits end as to how I would provide for her.

[Gohar]

i am all confused with how can one do these things in such a way?
while i still see some love for him inside your heart (you must have, he was your hubby) ,but i am not sure how one can lose such a loving and caring wife.
i am really thinking that he is the one of the biggest losers of this world.
Gohar.

[Patricia]

In most cases you can't see the signs until it's too late

[Christine]

It's amazing, he didn't try to cover up his cheating with excuses. That mostly means he has no concern or any care for you at all anymore. I think you should confront him more often.

[britjojo]

I used to confront him and he always told me that he was working, that he wasn't allowed to call home to tell me he would be late, that he had no choice or would lose his job, and that it was my problem not his. That I should get over it.

He always had an excuse, but for the money. That he just wouldn't let me know where it went-bills is all he would say.

[janisw]

You are very right. He does not care all he cares about is himself. Mine is the same way.
He knows I know about his women. Now he has one that he has been with for over a year I think Valentines Day is when it started. But he cheats on her also. My husband has had a baby with one girl and another one miscarried. The girl he is with now I email her but she wants to stay blind to it all. Cause he gives her money. I stay with him right now because of my daughter and the money. But I will be leaving him soon without his permission. I hate men now and I think the girl he is with right now is dumb.

[Jewel]

This worries me, because this sounds like a description of my husband. We've only been married for 2 years, but known eachother for far more, and he is acting so much different lately. Before, he was excited about planning a family, but now he isn't. He's lost all interest in trying to have a baby (like we wanted to before), and he works a lot more. He also gets mysterious phone calls late at night, and he goes to the bathroom to take them.

[SerenBaker]

He also gets mysterious phone calls late at night, and he goes to the bathroom to take them.

That is never a good sign. It's time to confront him about it and ask him to let you listen in to his conversation unless he has something to hide. It's never easy to end a relationship, but easier when there are no kids involved.

[Jewel]

That is never a good sign. It's time to confront him about it and ask him to let you listen in to his conversation unless he has something to hide. It's never easy to end a relationship, but easier when there are no kids involved.

I agree that it is definitely time to confront him about his mysterious ways. He shouldn't be scampering to the bathroom to take calls if he's being completely honest with me. I'm fortunate enough to be finding out the truth now, before we have a family, I guess.

[SerenBaker]

Of course, if you have a birthday or anniversary coming up and he's planning a surprise of some kind, you'll feel silly, but your instincts are probably right.

[lonelyhousewife35]

Speaking of instincts, how common is it that they have ever been wrong? Yet the husband discards your instincts and feelings as if your stupid and what you feel and think is disposable and not worth acknowleding? How common a sign is this?...

[Jewel]

I don't believe that there's anything coming up that he could be planning for. Plus, these calls are coming in late at night, usually between midnight and 4 in the morning. He's also been keeping his phone with him at all times, even when he's home. It's like he doesn't want me to see who the calls are from, although I've never even asked him.

[SerenBaker]

Then it's probably time to tell him what you think, and to get it out in the open. Tell him that if he's going to lie to you, then it's only going to make things worse when the truth comes out, and tell him flat out "If you have nothing to hide, stop acting like you do. Let me see who's calling you at midnight." And prepare to cut your losses and get out.

And lonelyhousewife: it's not uncommon for men to use those tactics to make you weak and to control your behaviour. That is something you have to stand up against.

[savannah]

My husband had a secret cell phone he used to use for "talks" until I found it. Then he changed the number on it, and he told me that he had to have the phone for work, and he didn't want it tied up with calls from home all the time.

yeah right. I noticed he always turned the phone off when he was home, and if he forgot and it did ring, he would simply turn it off without answering it. I asked him if he wasn't worried about "work", and his reply was he didn't want to go back in once he was home.

There's always a good explanation if they want to hide something from you.

[Jewel]

That's true Savannah. They always have an excuse, no matter what. I've been catching my husband in all his lies lately, and he keeps coming up with a good reason why. I know that he's lying, but I just don't want to believe that he could be doing something like this to me.

[alexis]

Jewel - we never want to believe it, but sometimes it takes a good friend (like in my case) to point it out to you. Alot of times, no matter what the subject, a 3rd party can see things that we can not/refuse to see.

[lie_lee]

It doesn't look so good. Because if he doesn't even care about the new born, things can go worst. You must take care of your self, and don't believe him blindly. Talk to him, and see what happens !
May god bless all